Evil Coffee: Xmas Edition
"Oh c'mon Duo, go to bed!" Quatre insisted;
"And stop drinking that coffee! Its not good for you!"
Duo glared at his friend and lugged down another cup of coffee;
"I'm waiting for Santa." he said in a semi-drunk tone.
"Is that what you're doing? Aren'tchu a little too old to
believe in--" "I'm waiting for Santa!!" the
braided American shouted. "Ok, ok, just, don't drink too
much coffee alright?" Quatre went back into his room.
The GW-boys were spending Christmas Eve at Quatre's Mansion. For
the following reasons; Heero forgot to pay the rent and was
kicked out of his apartment, Trowa got lost and the Circus left
him, Wufei's house was 'accidentally' burnt down by Duo last
week. And Duo's shack had been frozen over by the cold weather.
The the Christmas tree sparked brightly in the dark room,
presents piled all around it. Stockings were hung and eggnog
drunken, and now only Duo remained in the living room with a can
of coffee and high hopes.
The TV was still on, but the volume turned down so it was almost
inaudiable. Duo was watching some Christmas Special of some show,
he wasn't paying attention, mostly looking out the window and
watching the falling snow. After a few minutes his eyes started
to feel heavy. He poured another cup of coffee and drained it. A
few more minutes...another cup. The can was empty. No more
coffee. Duo fell into a state of semi-sleep. All was still. All
was quiet. Silent Night.
The snow piled outside. Inches after inches. Majestic looking.
Holy Night. The whole mansion was silent, for the soft hum of the
television and snoring from Wufei's room. All is Calm. A few
stars twinkled through the holes in the clouds. All is Bright. I
don't know the rest of the song so.....Abruptly, Duo sprang up
straight in his seat, goofy grin on his face.
He grabbed the remote, stuffed in some KoRn CD and turned the TV
to full volume, with surround sound. There was a pause for almost
5 whole seconds before:
"MAAAAAAXXXXXXWWWWEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLL!!!!"
"Holy SHIT! My ears are bleeding!!!"
"Goddamnit! DUO!"
"Zzzzzzzzz"
"Damnit, Quatre get up."
"Sorry."
Duo was dancing on the counter with a lamp shade on his head and
singing; "Hallehujah" The rolls of wrapping paper that
were on the counter flew everwhere. Wufei arrived at the scene
first, in Ninja Turtles PJ's. Duo stopped mid-boogie and started
screaming; "TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES! TEENAGE MUTANT
NINJA TURTLES!" Wufei blushed red, before tackling Duo. They
both rolled around on the ground.
Reinforcements arrived; Heero with a tranquilizer, Trowa with a
bat, and Quatre with a strait jacket. Duo threw Wufei off of
himself and bolted towards Quatre. The blonde was caught
unprepared and Duo was able to steal the jacket from Quatre, the
chestnut-haired insane-dude plowed into Trowa and attempted to
wrap him in the jacket. The bat swung through the air.
"Trowa be careful with that--" A lamp broke, a chair,
the bat, the -metal- bat, broke upon contact with Duo's head.
Duo stood dazed for a few moments, long ehough for Heero to stick
a few elephant sized tranqs into him. But they ever seem to do
any good...Duo shook his head jumped high into the air and landed
on the enourmus Christmas Tree. Decorative balls, ribbions,
ornaments, small figures, they all went flying everywhere, glass
shattering. "Duo! You broke my Baby Reindeer
ornament!!" Quatre cried. Wufei rolled his eyes and reached
for the strait jacket, which had been dropped.
Duo Maxwell began shrieking like a holler monkey. Heero covered
his ears, which were indeed bleeding. Trowa attempted to shake
Duo out of the tree, but only succeeded in knocking off more
ornaments, and upsetting Quatre more. "Oh, be quiet
Winner." Wufei growled. Heero went and turned off the music,
which had been pounding up til now.
Wufei got another bat and started taking swings at the tree, more
ornaments, branches, flew everywhere. "My poor beautiful
tree....." Quatre muttered. Heero got an idea. The Perfect
Soldier went into the other room and got a helmet..thing. He put
it on Quatre before he could resist. -ZERO- The arab's eyes went
funny, widened, Quatre lept onto the tree; "Get off my tree
you coffee crazied bastard!!!"
"Nice one Yuy, now we have two insane idiots." Wufei
growled. "But Quatre's we can stop by taking off the helmet,
Duo's just insane." the other replied. Trowa sighed. Quatre
and Duo were attacking each other like wildcats, both leaping
around in the tree slashing at each other. Heero went and got
some popcorn. Trowa sighed again.
Suddenly, without warning, Duo jumped from the gigantic tree and
landed on a pile of presents, which all exploded. Gift wrap,
plastic, and tissue paper flew. "Shit! Damnit! That was the
new DVD player I bought!" Trowa groaned. "There goes
the cheap plastic keychain I was forced to get for Relena, how
sad." Heero attempted to look regretful. "MY
PRESENTS!" Quatre shreiked, and jumped off the tree after
Duo. "I shouldda brought a camera." Wufei muttered.
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY! I'm gonna be SICK!!!!"
Duo jumped onto a coach, then grabbed one of the stockings off
the chimney and barfed in it. "You sonuvabitch!!! My
stocking!!!" Heero exploded. Duo started to giggled, Quatre
tackled him, his eyeballs still wide from being connected to the
ZERO system. Duo bounced off the springs in the couch and grabbed
one of the balloons off the ceiling. The balloon was of a
big-headed cartoon character.
"Why iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis his head so big? Oh,
Whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhy is his head so biiiig?!?!" Duo
asked in a high-pitched, very annoying voice. Quatre tackled
again, but this time Duo dodged and Quatre crashed into the TV
and his helmet fell off. The blonde was unconscious. Duo popped
the balloon in Wufei's face and started screaming in the
high-pitched voice; "WOOOOOO HOOHOOHOO! WOOOOOOOOO
HOOHOOHOO!!"
Trowa took the bat again and swung. It connected with the back of
Duo's head. This time, luckily, the braidboy fell unconscious.
"What do we do about the tree...and the barfed in
stocking?" Wufei wondered. "I don't know, and I really
don't give'a damn. I'm going to sleep." Heero went back to
his room. Trowa dragged Quatre back to his room. Wufei, not
wanting to touch the coffee-freak, left Duo unconscious on the
floor, then went back to his room as well.
The house was silent once again. The tree was in ruins, ornaments
scattered about. A missing stocking was filled with coffee-barf.
The presents were squished. All was calm again. There was a thud
on the roof. A man in red and a huge sack slid down the chimney.
He glanced around the room. And sweatdropped big. //These people
sure have Christmas spirit. What happened here? A tree
massacre?// He left a few gifts then crawled up the chimney
again. Duo, still unconscious on the floor, mumbled; "I'm
waiting for Santa...."
© Kiriska