Evil Coffee's 4th of July
"I am very sad." Heero muttered. "Why's
that?" Trowa wondered. "Think loser." was the
other's reply. The clown laughed; "You mean the fact that
today's the US's Independence Day, Quatre's gonna make us go see
parades and/or fireworks with Wufei and Duo. And the fact that
your just KNOW Duo's going to consume some caffine no matter what
we do?" Heero growled; "That, and the fact that my
goldfish died." "Well then, it's going to be a busy
day. Better get ready for it." with that, Trowa clicked the
telephone off.
Heero muttered something as he hung up the phone. He was
beginning to dispise all holidays because Quatre's optimisticness
insured that they would continue to go to parties and
celebrations no matter what Duo did. The retired soldier went
about his breakfast thinking of all the things that would go
wrong that day and waiting for the expected phone call from
Quatre. And of course, Quatre being Quatre, was predicatable.
"Hey Heero!" the blonde's image appeared on the
telecommunication screen behind him. "What?"
"Wanna come with the others and me to see fireworks
tonight?" "If I say no, you're going to whine and beg
until I do, aren't you?" "Prolly."
"....." "Great! Meet us at my house 'round 8,
kay?" And the line was dead. "DAMN." Heero cursed
himself for being lured into another outing with the formor
Gundam team, but he didn't have much time for that because
another call was connected.
"Hey Heero!" The chestnut haired freak's image was
displayed on screen, "Happy July 4th!" "Hn."
"Wanna come wit me to shop for firecrackers this after
noon?!" the unbelieveable cheerful voice asked. "No,
not really. Shopping with you for explosives? No, I don't think
so." "Awesome man! I'll be at 'jour 'partment 'round 2
kay?" And Duo was offscreen. "WHY the hell is everyone
making decisions for me today!?" And as if he didn't have
enough problems...
"Hey Heeeeeeeeeeeroooooooooo!!" Vice Forgien Minister
Dorlan put a call through. The Heero in question buried his head
in his hands and groaned audiablely. "Wanna come to my party
tonight?" "NO! ABOSOLUTELY NOT!" 01 yelled, but of
course, his protests were fell upon deaf ears. "Great! It
starts at 7, see you there!" "ARGG!" Heero slammed
his head against the kitchen table. "Why do they even BOTHER
to ASK me?" "Grrrrr...."
DING-DONG! Heero didn't move. There was no need for it anyway,
Duo would make his way inside if he didn't answer on the second
ring. DING-DONG! "Heero!" the cobalt-eyed one waited.
BAM! The door flew open. "Why didn't you answer man?"
the American asked as he made his way inside. "You don't
need me to answer the door, you can get in fine without me."
Duo shrugged, "Whatever, c'mon! Their having sales on
fireworks!" "I never agreed to come you know."
Heero tried. "Hurry up!" the God of Death continued to
talk as if Heero had never spoken. Defeated, the Perfect Soldier
got up.
"What are you going to use those for anyway?" Heero
grumbled. "To fire off with the other fireworks when they
launch 'um off." the other answered. "Uh-huh..."
the doomed one glanced at the bag of explo-*firecrackers*, of
course, Duo would turn them into weapons fit to be called massive
weapons of war. "Man, I'm tired from all that shopping. I
need some coffee, want some Heero?"
Being too caught up in his imagination (weird images of giant
mobile suits with guns full of firecrackers) Heero did not reply.
"No? Alright." Duo shoved the bags of firecrackers into
Heero's arms and bounced off. "Wha? Where are you
going?" "I'll be right back!" The soldier blinked,
but didn't make any attempt to follow the happy one. It was only
later did he realize his mistake. But realizing later, did not
help the now.
Formor pilot of Deathscythe entered the poor, unsuspecting
coffeeshop. "I'd like 3 large cups of mocha please!"
When his drinks arrived he drained each one in a matter of
seconds, then paused briefly to soak in the aftertase,
before..."S'da FOURTH o' July, WOT!"
"Uh..yes..sir..it, is..." the lady behind the counter
answered slowly. "Well then, we need some RED, WHITE N'
BLUENESS!" Duo screeched. At this, the Heero standing idle
on the street outside dropped the bags of firecracker and darted
towards the shop.
Duo snatched the white tablecloth off of one of the nearby
tables, amazingly, not a single piece of silverware or cup of
coffee toppled. He then took two large containers of red and blue
food coloring and dumped it all over the cloth, thus making a
very messy ..banner of red, white and blue. "Duo! What are
you doing?!" Heero groaned, but of course he knew. They all
knew. These poor people of the colony. They KNEW the wrath of of
coffee. They KNEW of the dangers of the coffeeboy. Yet they were
too STUPID to learn to not serve the damn guy COFFEE!
As the ruckus in the coffeeshop was going on. A guy on a bike
passed by the spot where Heero had dropped the firecrackers and
absently tossed a half-lit cigarette into the bag. And the pile
started smoking slowly. "DUO! Put...that..ARGGG!!" The
coffee-high one was hurling blueberries and cherries at people.
Iced blueberries and cherries, which meant they hit hard against
your skin. Where the hell did he find blueberries anc cherries,
I'll never know. And if I did, I wouldn't tell you, so neh.
Moments later, the firecrackers were going off, setting off
colorful sparks into the busy streets of the colony.
"AIIEEEEE!!!" Wufei lost control of his bike when one
of the explosives blew off his front tire. "FUCK YOU
MAXWELL!!" he screamed, automaticly blaming the one that was
well...always to blame. The Solitary Dragon rammed into several
people, and then a wall. Heero flew threw the window of the
coffeeshop and landed a'top the Chinese one's bike.
"WOOOOO!!" Duo cheered, chasing whatever people were
left inside the shop out. The fireworks continued to go off,
scaring people in and out of the surrounding buildings.
"AMERICAN PRRRIIIDEEE!" "YOU WEREN'T EVEN BORN ON
EARTH YOU DAMNABLE PERSON!" "S'not the
point....!!!" And he was off, waving a red paintbrush wildly
in the air. Heero cursed, got off the bike and ran after his
formor ally. Wufei did the same, after picking up his bike and
throwing it into a wall, scaring off a small crowd.
~
"You STILL want to take DUO to see the damned FIREWORKS
after what HAPPENED!?" Wufei and Heero shrieked at the
blonde. "Oh come ON guys! Give him a chance! We can keep him
away from that evil coffee!" Quatre argued. "We already
HAVE! TOO MANY TIMES!" They snapped back. "Yup."
agreed Trowa casually. "MMMMMMFFHHHH!!!" Duo tried to
speak, but no one could understand him. Must have something to do
with that big, dirty sock in his mouth.
Wufei thwaped the braidboy hard. "Shut up."
"MFFFHHHHHHH!!" "Are any of you going to Relena's
party?" Quatre asked, changing the subject. "No."
the other three answered in unison. "MF!" agreed Duo.
The peacemaker glanced at the clock, it was still pretty early,
5:49 pm. "Well then...um."
"Why the HELL do we even CELEBRATE this holiday!?"
Wufei exploded. "NONE of us were born there. NONE of us LIVE
there. And when we WERE there, we were too busy FIGHTING to
notice ANYWAY! So WHY are we celebrating the INDEPENDENCE of a
nation that doesn't really EXIST anymore with the Unifyed Nation
and suchness!?" Silence. Everyone just blinked.
"Nevermind."
~
"WEEEE!!! This is SO COOOOLLL!" Duo pranced towards the
biggest hill on the colony, it would be the best view for the
fireworks. "I hate you Quatre." Wufei, Heero, and Trowa
grumbled together. Quatre laughed nervously. "I can't
believe you didn't even bring the leash...What will we do if he
gets loose!?" Heero groaned exasperated. "Wow! This is
GREAT! We have the best view on the whole colony!" Duo
exclaimed, swinging the small cooler around. They had planned to
have a small picnic while waiting for the fireworks to be set
off.
"Heeeeeerrrooooooo!!!" The Perfect Soldier groaned
again. Relena bounced into the scene and glomped Heero.
"You're alright! I'm so happy! I thought something awful had
happened when you didn't show up at my party! Because I knew you
would never ever miss it for the whole wide world because you
loooooovvveeee meeeeeee!" Quatre, Wufei, Duo, and Trowa
weren't doing very well containing their giggles.
"Get the HELL off me bitch!" the brown-haired on
shouted angrilly. Relena ungracefully got off and continued to
swoon over the poor guy. "We we allllways meant to be,
Heeeerooo, we were destined to be togeeeether!"
"ARGARGARGARGARG!!!!" "DUO! DRINK SOME COFFEE AND
GET RID OF HEEEERRRRR!!!" Heero screamed. "WHAT?!"
Trowa and Wufei snapped out of their giggleyness, "HAVE YOU
GONE MAD!?"
"Huh? Drink coffee!? You mean you're gonna let me!?
ALLLRIIIGGGHHHTTTT!!" Duo chirped happily and grabbed a
large mug of Evil Coffee out of the cooler.
"NoooooOOOO!!" Trowa and Wufei tackled the braidboy and
attemped to drag him away from the coffee. But 03 and 05 had only
gotten a'hold of 02's legs and his arms were still free and grab
his coffee and lug it down his throat.
"NOT AGAIN!!!!!" Wufei banged his head against the
ground. "BEGONE RELENA!" Heero crackled insanely.
"EEEE...HEHEHEHEHEH!!!" Duo giggled, taking his time to
go all the way into 'coffeehigh' mode. "Fireworks will be
starting in 10 minutes!" a voice said from a loudspeaker
somewhere. "No! We have the get coffeeboy bound or
unconscious in 10 minutes or he will surely cause this colony to
explode!" Trowa exclaimed. "Dur, clown!" Wufei
growled.
"Um...." Quatre blinked, wondering how much this
incident would end up costing him. A million or two at least.
"SOMEBODY NEEDS A HUUUGGGG!" Duo squealed and pounced
on Wufei. "ARG! GET OFF!" "NO! HUG RELENA DIMWIT!
DO SOMETHING TO MAKE HER GO AWAY!" Heero shrieked and
thwaped the braided one with a stick. "AIE!"
~
10 minutes later, Wufei was unconscious, Trowa was buried in the
ground with only his had exposed, Relena was gone, Heero was
gloating, Duo was running around spraypainting people red, white,
and blue, and Quatre was..um..still sitting there, seemingly
indifferent. And the first firework was launched into the air,
exploding in a brilliant flash of reds and oranges.
"WOW! FIREFLOWERS!" Duo screamed, delighted. If there
were any people left, they would probably've run off. But they
already had, so Duo screaming wasn't gonna chase no more peeps
off. 'Cept maybe he'll scare off you readers since this is such a
bad fic...anyway. "Do do, de-do-do!" 02 chirruped,
mimicking the music from some Super Mario Bros. Game. He then ran
off towards the area where they were launching the fireworks.
"Uh, Heero, how that Relena's gone, maybe you should, uh, I
don't know, stop Duo before we all die?" Trowa asked calmly
from his position, "Then maybe after that you could dig me
out, if it's not too much trouble." His voice was also
dripping with sarcasum of course. Hard to imagine eh? Neh.
"Huh? What? Me stop Duo? I'll die trying I guess."
Heero sighed and jogged off after the coffeefyed one.
"Where the hell are you Duo?" Heero hissed as he made
his way over the rolls of artifical hills. Fireworks continued to
shoot off into the air, exploding in clusters of color.
"This is such a stupid tradition..." he muttered.
Suddenly 10-15 fireworks exploded at once and new ones continued
to fly up after them, not giving the sky a chance to be clear.
Normally, this would single the end of the show, but it had only
been a few minutes since the beginning of the show, which left
the reasonable mind one conclusion: Duo.
"AIIIIEEEE!!" The workers in charge of setting the
celebrative explosives off ran for the foresaken little lives.
The God of Death was standing before the box of fireworks with
two machine-like metal tubes connected to each arm. And
firecrackers were zooming out of each gun-like structure. So, it
seems the crazy one has gotten firework-guns now. Who'd have
imagined.
Coffee now seems to have given Duo, not only the powers of being
multilinguial, indestructable, and insane, but now, the power to
materialize the strangest items out of no where. We praise Evil
Coffee Co. But some party poo'in former Gundam pilot doesn't.
"DUUUOOOOOO!!!" Heero ran past the fleeing people and
dodged incoming fireworks. He tackle-dived into his 'friend',
knocking them both over. This knocked over the box Duo was
standing on and spilled more explosives all over the ground.
The box of fireworks all shot off and began exploding, one of
them hit the artifical weather control box at the top of the
colony, and made the thing go berserk. It began snowing and
thundering. "AIIEEE!" More people running and
screaming. "Heero!?" Quatre had finally decided to come
help. Too late though. Blondes. XD "YOUR LATE WINNER! NOW
RUN!" Heero kicked Duo, before dashing out of the area while
the colony all but exploded.
~
"How's Trowa?" Quatre wondered. "Eh, he's fine,
most his body was stuck in that hole so only his head was
damaged." Heero said matter-of-factly. "That's um, good
I guess. Wufei is alright, just a few broken bones and burns. And
Duo?" Heero groaned; "The fool doesn't have a scratch
on him, he's unconscious though. That's always a good
thing." "Maaaaan...this is costing me, what, a few
dozen millions? He blew out half the damn colony.." Quatre
whined. The other nodded. After a short silence, Heero said;
"I am very sad."
© Kiriska