Evil Caffinated Halloweenies
(Evil Coffee Halloween ^^)







"Untie me now! Untie me, damnit! Quatre! Help me!" Duo growled angrily at his friends, who had tied him tightly to a tree in the forest. "Um, well, I would help, but y'know, Heero and the others are probably right. You'd end up costing me another million in damages." The blonde said. "YOU'RE RICH! What ELSE are you going to do with it!? And besides, how do YOU know what I'm going to do!?" the violet-eyed one thrashed violently. Heero stuffed a dirty sock into his mouth, "Shut up Duo." Wufei rolled his eyes. Trowa said nothing. Shinigami gave death glares.

"Well, I need to go and buy a few tons of candy to handout and finish the touches for the party." Quatre told to no one in particular. "MBFFFFFFFHHHH!?!?!" the braidboy asked. Quatre waved an arm at him, "If I let you come what will stop you from sneaking coffee mix into the candy?" "Mpfh." "Whatever, I'm going to go hide from Relena." Heero said and headed off. Wufei, too, departed, but without a word. "Who have you invited to your party?" Trowa asked as he and the blonde started away from Duo and the tree. "Some colony officals, you guys, and some other people." Quatre shrugged. "So it's not going to be a freakshow? Just a formal party with Halloween as an excuse?" the gel-user wondered. "Well, no. They could come in costumes, if they want."

"Are you going to dress up as anything?" Again the peacemaker shrugged, "I don't know, why, are you?" Trowa's turn to shrug, "A clown?" Quatre laughed, then changed the subject, "Think Duo will break his bonds?" "Yes." The circusboy showed no hesitation. Quatre was surprised, "What? Then why did we even bother?" "No idea. Clinging on to some impossible hope that there will be a holiday that Duo doesn't ruin?" Trowa suggested. "Oi...If we know all this, why don't we try harder to stop him?" The blonde demanded. "Hey, hey, what happen to all of your 'We should give him another chance! He's bound to learn his lesson!' stuff"? The green-eyed clown laughed.

Quatre growled, "He sent GOATS to DESTROY my mansion." The clown laughed again, "Well, do you have any ideas? How shall we stop the God of Coffee?" "I have some ideas. Maybe. I dunno, help me think." "Heheheheheh..."

"This is ridicilous. So very undignified..." grumbled Heero as he peeked from out from inside a dumpster. Relena, as predicted, had been chasing him around all morning, trying to invite him to go to her Halloween party. He almost hoped that Duo would go to Relena's party to trash it. But the pilot of 02 wasn't going to be invited anywhere. But then again, he might go anyway. Heero laughed at the thought of Duo giving Relena a dose of coffee again and having her wreck her own party again. "Heero!? Is that you!?" "DAMN!" The spandexboy lit out of the trash and down the alley, the prime minister hot on his trail.

Wufei was boarding up his house. He despised Halloween and he despised Trick-or-Treaters, so he was spending this day making his house look very hostile and uninviting so perhaps parents wouldn't let their children disturb him. Unfortunately for him, he didn't know that sometimes the less inviting he made his house appear, the more children may be inclined to go and bother him, especially the older, braver ones. In any case, the Solitary Dragon was ready with hoses and silly-string to ward off crazy Trick-or-Treaters. Or so he thought.

The pilot of 05 did not plan to attend any Halloween parties, be it Relena's, Quatre's or otherwise. But he was sure that Quatre would find some way to convince him to go no matter what he promised himself. The peaceful blonde was unbelievably persuasive and sometimes Wufei could swear that the rich guy was using hypnosis or something to do it. Nevertheless, the Chinese boy hoped to be able to skip out on the holiday's celebrations this time. He knew Duo could never be confined, and that was more than enough to keep anyone from any party on Halloween.

Duo waited until the last of his 'friends' disappeared from the forest. They had tied him, with 5 strong cables, to a large tree in the middle of the nowhere, far from his shack and anything else. His shack had been made inaccessible anyway though, it's doors were barred and a layer of steel covered each wall. So Shinigami would not retrieve supplies from his home. But they didn't realize all the lasting power that came with addiction to the legendary coffee, that combined with the awakening of strange and troublemaking spirits on Halloween and Duo's raw skill, made the God of Death a very easy person to underestimate on this day.

The braidboy was free in a matter of moments. He knew his friends knew that he could escape, but he doubted that they knew that he would be able to break free so soon. He grinned as the horrific plan for the evening formed in this head. Although he couldn't get anything from his shack, he had several caches of useful materials hidden throughout the forest. Uncovering the nearest one, he retrieved a a backpack with a dozen cans of flavored Evil Coffee, rope, several costumes, sleep gas, and war paint.

It was still early in the day, not even noon yet, and so everyone had plenty of time to prepare. Relena's party began at 6 pm, and Quatre's at 8 pm. It starts to get dark around 7:30. Most stores are open all day. Although Quatre and Relena were both absent from the preparations of their parties, their servants and family and friends were at the respective mansions setting things up. There were also several, lesser known, Halloween parties and raves planned for the night, all of those were also being prepared for. Everyone was doing last minute candy and costume shopping, and the streets were very crowded.

Duo repocketed his binoculars and shimmied down the tree. The security at the vice foreign minister's home was tight, but they hadn't been designed to keep Duo out, like Quatre's had. Thus the Coffee Demon found himself there first. Carefully and skillfully, he slipped into the house through a window that had been ajar on the far side of the building. No one noticed him. Quickly, he slipped on a servant's garb and entered the hallway inconspicuously. So far so good. Everyone was too preoccupied with their duties to pay much attention to Duo.

For once, the inside of the manor was not a horrendous pink and white. Rather, the colors were actually dark, grey, orange, and black streamers were strung across the ceiling, black poster paper lined the walls, covering the pink paint. Fake spider webs were in every corner and layers of black and orange confetti littered the carpet. Duo headed straight for the kitchen, no time to lose. Slipping in, once again unnoticed, Shinigami replaced every drink available from punch to wine to vegetable juice with the respective colored and flavored coffee. After that, he mixed in doses of the toxin with the cake batter, chip dip, ice cream, pocky, and even the huge bowl of water that would be used for bobbing apples. And of course, the candy that would be handed out.

With that party doomed, the mischievous Gundam pilot slipped out of the house and went to resupply himself. A dark alley in the middle of the colony was home to the little shop where Duo got his coffee from. The shop was always stocked full, offering the latest flavors and colors of the drink. Hell, the substance might as well just be a drink with some insanity-causing drug in it. Not really coffee anymore. But it perks you right up! And up through the roof.

Quatre and Trowa had spent the entire afternoon browsing costumes and discussing a plan to get Duo back for all his coffee-ness. Trowa would go as a clown, even though his earlier comment had been a joke. Quatre would be going to as a camel. They had a whole entire mastermindish plot worked out to capture Duo in his own game. The two pilots contacted Heero and Wufei to share the plan, it was the only way to get them to come to the party anyway. Heero would be glad for a place to hide from Relena, and Wufei's house was going to be swarmed.

Duo spent most of his afternoon gasing the hosts of all the lesser parties and raves so that he could contaminate their food with coffee. He also went to a few dozen populated neighborhoods replacing all the candy with caffeinated, flavored candy. By 5:00 pm, Shinigami had successfully brought certain chaos to 20 celebrations around the colony. His last hour before Relena's party began was spent completing his reign of terror by replacing all of Quatre's drink items with the Evil Coffee. However, the braidboy was a bit suspicious, the security was much more slack than he had expected, especially since he knew Quatre knew he was going to be there. Duo shrugged it off while he worked, then slipped out of the mansion and back into the forest.

There, the pilot of 02 retrieved his costume, a camera, a remote of some kind, and a bottle of coffee before prancing down to Relena's. Quite a few guests had arrived already, some in costumes, some not. Duo was dressed in goth's clothing, make-up and everything. From a distance, he was unrecognizable. Hell, up close, he was just weird looking. Vampire teeth stained with fake blood was the finishing touches of Shinigami's outfit. But because the party required invitation, and Duo had definitely not been invited, he had to sneak again through a window. Once inside, no one really noticed.

Right off the goth noticed Quatre and Trowa. The clown didn't look too odd, since everyone had seen him in his circus attire many times. Quatre, on the other hand, looked ridiculous; a large, hairy hump protruded his back and a weird coconut-looking mask was covering his hair. A laughable tail stuck to his rear. Stifling his laughter, Duo took care to stay out of his friends' line of vision as he watched over the refreshment table and waited for someone to go off insane.

Heero was hiding behind one of the black curtains. He didn't know why he had to be at Relena's party as well, Quatre's plan only really required him to be at his. In any case, he hoped that Vice Foreign Minister Dorlan wouldn't recognize him behind the atrocious witchdocter's mask. Wufei, too, was avoiding people. He had refused to wear a costume and was scouting the corners of the rooms. The camel and the clown were just mingling, trying to find Duo in the crowd.

The braided goth boy grinned demonically as he watched more and more people consume the contaminated drinks. None of the drinkers were going insane however, just as planned. The newest feature of the Evil Coffee was timed reactions. The chemicals that caused the temporary insanity would be stable and not react until a certain enzyme was turned 'on'. And the remote to turn things chaotic was in Duo's hands.

The pilots of 01, 03, 04, and 05 were becoming increasingly suspicious. They KNEW that Duo had introduced his evil substance into the refreshments of the party, so why hadn't anyone gone off yet? Everyone had taken a drink already...what was going on? Duo had escaped from his bounds had he not? He had to have! There was no way he would have let them get his way of holiday doom. So what was going on? Trick-or-Treaters came and went, gathering their caches of Evil Candy, totally oblivious to the psychotic chemicals that awaited in their systems as they ate some. Around 7:45, the party of Gundam pilots along with a few other guests departed Relena's to go to Quatre's. Everyone was still very sane.

The blonde camel debated whether or not to go on with his plans since Duo didn't seem to have done anything this Halloween, which was very shocking. And hell, the plans Quatre had in mind would do nothing but make fools of everyone that participated unless Duo was present, and so far it really seemed as if Shinigami had skipped both parties. Heero was skeptical, still quite positive that the braidboy was around. Wufei just wanted to go home. Trowa was indifferent, as usual.

The party progressed, people drank stuff, people ate stuff, no one seemed to be losing their sanity. Candy was passed out; none of the children who sampled their treats as soon as they received them seemed to change any. Indeed, nothing seemed out of the ordinary, which was very abnormal. Half past eight, and all was fine. Quatre decided to call off his plans since Duo had still, yet to be spotted. The party continued on well, everyone thinking that nothing was going to go wrong. Man, were they wrong.

As the grandfather clock struck nine, Duo pressed his remote button, setting off the insanity-causing drugs present in a vast majority of the people of the colony. People all across the colony snapped, the kids who had had some candy, the teens at the many raves, the important officials that had attended Relena's and Quatre's party... The first signs of it visible to Duo and the other pilots was Zechs. 'Preventer Wind' had been dressed as a werewolf, and suddenly, he became it completely. The man thrusted his head back and released a long, deafening howl. He was joined by Noin, a cat-thing, who started hissing and spitting and yowling like mad.

"I KNEW it was too good to be true!" Quatre slapped his forehead. "Well, you can't do anything about it now." Trowa sighed, "You don't even know where Duo is, and your plan only would have worked with him here." "Well, damnit!" Heero growled, "You made me come here for nothing!" The costumed guests of the party were now running amok, barking, growling, shrieking, dancing in the cake, and playing football with glass wine glasses. Trowa sidestepped causally to allow Dorothy the Rabbit to run through waving a pair of underwear. Shinigami knows who those underpants belonged to. Quatre didn't want to know.

"Duo! Where the hell are you?!" Quatre raved, but the braided goth boy did not answer him. "If he's here, he'll be the one that isn't going insane." Heero said. "How do you know he hasn't consumed some of the junk himself?" Wufei asked. "He's never intoxicated when others are. He needs to catch all their stuff on tape, and he can't do that if he's psycho too." The perfect soldier answered. "Hn." Trowa raised an eyebrow. "Fine, help me find him then."

The four pilots spread out to find the one sane one in the crowd of many masked freaks. Quatre ducked as Hilde threw a very expensive vase over his head to Rashid, who caught it and promptly broke it on Une's head. Une then ran off and grabbed another vase and threw it at Hilde, who ducked and the vase shattered against the wall. Quatre mourned the loss of two pretty vases and continued his search, browsing past crackling witches and warlocks. A lion crashed through the window, the kid's synthetic mane shook as he leapt onto the table and knocked off a bunch of glass dishes and cups. Many more younger costumed psychos crawled through the window after the lion.

Trowa back flipped onto the chandelier and monitored the scenes from his perch. Many more windows were being smashed in now, and lots and lots of little Trick-or-Treaters poured inside to join the madness. A raccoon kid jumped onto Zechs and bit down on the wolfman's neck. Zechs howled like a maniac and tried to through the kid off his back. Noin whacked the kid with a baseball bat she got from who knows where and then jumped on to the poor name-chaning guy too. "AROOOOOOOOO!!! Aye, aye, aye, aye!!" Zechs jumped out one of the open windows and ran off down the street with both Noin and the raccoon kid on his back.

Wufei had canceled his search momentarily to hide under a table from a colony official who was dancing around and throwing pumpkin pies at people. Dorothy, who had gotten hit by a pie and was now blind ran around crashing into tables and other people. A former soldier who knocked over by Dorothy grabbed a handful of butter knives and started throwing them at people. "Ow!" Heero rubbed his head where he was hit by a butter knife. "Damn these caffeinated halloweenies..." Mariameia in soldier's attire busted in the front door leading a whole army of crazy masked friends.

They, combined with the other little children, tore the place up. The streamers were ripped from the walls, the tables overturned. One of Quatre's forty men slipped on spilt punch and skidded into Duo, who let out a yelp and smacked into a guy in a chicken suit, who then fell into someone else, and started a dominos thing. Soon just about everyone was on the ground, in a tangle of fur, wings, arms, and legs. The goth boy crawled from the mass of bodies and tried to continue taping. "There! Duo's here!" Trowa pointed from above. Shinigami frozen; "DAMN! You guys didn't drink anything!"

Heero started laughing. "What's your problem Yuy?" Wufei growled, crawling out from beneath the table. "Duo's wearing make-up and very tight, leather pants!!" he giggled, "He's a goth boy! Heeheeheehee!" Quatre kind stared at Heero before turning back to Duo, "What the hell happened!? Why did everyone go insane at the same time!? What new tricks are you up to!?" "Getting smarter." Trowa commented. "Smarter!? He's gone even more psycho!" the blonde ranted. "He's both, " Wufei said, "Psycho-er and smarter." But Duo was ignoring them all and glaring spitefully at Heero, who was rolling all over the spilt punch laughing his ass off.

The caffinated people were leaving the house bunch by bunch, having found the place satisfactorily trashed. Bottles of spray paint circulated the mob and the neighborhood was in great danger. Wufei sighed, grabbed Duo's camera, smashed it and went home. Quatre was still raving, Heero was still laughing, and Duo was still glaring at him. Trowa, the indifferent one, left. And the colony..., well, er, 5000 rolls of toliet paper were used up that Halloween night. By morning, there wasn't a building lefted unrolled, or without graffiti on it. The streets were covered with silly string and Quatre's chocolate pudding.

Duo was chained in Quatre's basement for a month, only for Quatre to find out that half the time it was a lifesize dummy. Heero couldn't stop laughing for days, and afterwards, he kept finding gothy items in his house. It was part of Duo's unsuccessful attempt to get him to wear some of it and get a laugh for himself. The colony officials threatened to kick Duo off the colony if he ever pulled something like that again, they were assured that he wouldn't, but who ever believes Quatre anymore?

Evil Coffee Christmas Carols

© Kiriska