Evil Coffee Carols
~
12 Days of Coffeemas
Deck the Halls
Jolly Psycho Coffee Man
Here Comes Duo
Quatre Got Run Over By A
Reindeer
The Coffee Man Is Coming
To Town
Down By The Alley
Run For Your Life
Hark! The Brainboy's
Footsteps Sound
Silent Night
Away In His Shack
We Wish You A Merry
Christmas
~
12 Days of Coffeemas
(12 Days of Christmas)
On the 12th day of Christmas, the braidboy gave
to me...
12 burning buildings
11 cans of coffee
10 million in damage
9 singing jailbirds
8 dancing hobos
7 teachers screaming
6 parties 'xploded
5 DOZEN GOATS!
4 angry mobs
3 stupid pilots
2 random chickens
And a headache with a cup of (caffinated!) nog...
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Deck the Halls
(Deck the Halls)
Deck the halls with lots of coffee, Fa la la la la la la la!
'Tis the season to be hiding, Fa la la la la la la la!
Don we now our tranquilizers, Fa la la la la la la la!
Troll the routine angry screaming, Fa la la la la la la la!
See the blazing mess before us, Fa la la la la la la la!
Smash the cups and dance like a monkey, Fa la la la la la la la!
Follow me in being psycho, Fa la la la la la la la!
Leave a trail of good destruction, Fa la la la la la la la!
Fast away the civilians run off, Fa la la la la la la la!
Hail the sane, you running people, Fa la la la la la la la!
Sing we crazies all together! Fa la la la la la la la!
Heedless of the shouts and shrieking, Fa la la la la la la la!
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Jolly Psycho Coffee Man
(Jolly Old Saint Nicholas)
Jolly psycho Coffee Man,
Please don't come this way!
Don't you make a single soul
Go and buy a sleigh
Christmas Eve is coming soon;
Now, you crazy freak
Burn all what you want to bring;
Or your shack shall cease to stand.
When the clock is striking twelve,
When we're fast asleep,
Down the chimney, clad in black,
With poison you will creep.
All the food is set in place
At your fingertips
They will all be caffeinated,
Before dawn ever breaks
Heero wants your head on a stick,
Wufei wants your liver,
Trowa wants you dead real quick,
And thrown into a river
Now I think I'll leave to you
This pathetic threat
Don't you dare spread your coffee
But you won't listen, I bet
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Here Comes Duo
(Here Comes Santa Claus)
Here comes Duo! Here comes Duo!
All our joy down the drain!
Psycho, crazy, and very dangerous
Speeding like a train.
People screaming, shrieking, falling;
All is wrong, not right.
Hide your possessions and say your prayers,
'Cause Duo comes tonight!
Here comes Duo! Here comes Duo!
All our joy down the drain!
Psycho, crazy, and very dangerous
Speeding like a train.
Hear those psychos, all caffeinated
What a horrific sight.
Hide in a room and cover up your head,
'Cause Duo comes tonight!
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Quatre Got Run Over By A Reindeer
(Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer)
Quatre got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from Duo's Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as crazy,
But as for us, we saw and we believe.
He'd been drinkin' too much egg nog,
And we all called him stupid to go.
He forgot to bring his trusty dart gun,
And stumbled out the door into the snow.
When they found him Christmas mornin',
At the scene of the attack.
There were falsey hoof prints on his forehead,
And incriminatin' coffee stains on his back.
Quatre got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from Duo's Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as crazy,
But as for us, we saw and we believe.
Now they're all so proud of Trowa,
He blew up Duo's place with Zero
See him in there being clownface,
Drinkin' beer and playin' cards with Heero.
It's not Christmas without Quatre.
All the Winners dressed in black.
And we just can't help but wonder:
Should we eat his food or send it back?
Quatre got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from Duo's Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as crazy,
But as for us, we saw and we believe.
Now the goose is on the table
And the pudding made of fat.
And a blue and silver candle,
That would have matched Quatre's favorite hat
They warned all their friends and neighbors.
Better watch out for yourselves.
They should never even walk close,
To a freak who lives on the coffee stacked up on his shelves
Quatre got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from Duo's Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as crazy,
But as for us, we saw and we believe.
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The Coffee Man Is Coming To Town
(Santa Claus Is Coming To Town)
You better watch out, you better say goodbye,
You better not doubt me and I'm telling you why:
The Coffee Man is coming to town.
He's making a list, and checking it twice;
Gonna buy coffee, some raisins and mice
The Coffee Man is coming to town.
He sees you when you're sleeping,
He knows when you're awake,
He knows if you you psycho or sane,
So be act for crazy for everyone's sake!
You better watch out, you better say goodbye,
You better not doubt me and I'm telling you why:
The Coffee Man is coming to town.
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Down By The Alley
(Up On The Housetop)
Down by the alley
Wufei screams,
Being chased by psychotic tweens
Down past the gift shop
With lots of toys,
Runnin' from the little ones
Girls and boys.
Go, Go, Go!
Who wouldn't run!?
Go, Go, Go!
Who wouldn't run!?
Down by the alley
Click, click, click,
Your tranq gun is wasted
Try givin' them a kick.
First comes the laughing
Then come the screams,
Oh, dear Duo's
Coffee crazy schemes
To cause lots of chaos
Destruction and stuff
That's his goal, yes
It's gonna be rough
Go, Go, Go!
Who wouldn't run!?
Go, Go, Go!
Who wouldn't run!?
Down by the alley
Click, click, click,
Your tranq gun is wasted
Try givin' them a kick.
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Run For Your Life
(Feliz Navidad)
Oh, run for your life!
Oh, run for your life!
Oh, run for your life!
Your life, your sanity, oh bitter strife!
I wanna warn you of the Evil Coffee!
I wanna warn you of the Evil Coffee!
I wanna warn you of the Evil Coffee!
But sorry, I'm too busy running, we must part
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Hark! The Braidboy's Footsteps
Sound
(Hark! The Herald Angels Sing)
Hark! The braidboy's footsteps sound
Smiles twist into frowns
Peace on earth is now a dream
How to escape remains unseen
Joy no longer fills the air
Only fear and much despair
With the arrival of the coffee
Everyone runs for the exit
Hark! The braidboy is now here
Another holiday passed in fear
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Silent Night
(Silent Night)
Silent night, holiday night;
All is calm, all is bright,
Don't drink anything, anything at all
A single drop can cause your fall
Sleep with one eye open, watching for the coffee freak
Silent night, holiday night;
Quatre quakes at the sight,
Drunken guests dance on the floor
Drank some coffee, now drinkin' some more
Another million in damage again, another million in damage
Silent night, holiday night;
God of Death, hidden from light;
Laughing hysterically, sanity lost
All remorse is painted and false
The party's over, and everyone gone. But the next holiday ensures
more
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Away In His Shack
(Away In The Manger)
Away in his shack, piled high with his junk,
The devious Duo plans his plans drunk.
The stars in the bright sky looked down where he sat,
Our dear braidboy Duo grinning like a cat
The alarm of the colony sounds, everyone's awake
Duo's hiding somewhere, video tapes he makes.
Controlled by his coffee, Duo does harm
Why don't we move and go live on a farm
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We Wish You A Merry Christmas
(We Wish You A Merry Christmas)
We wish you a Merry Christmas,
We wish you a Merry Christmas,
We wish you a Merry Christmas,
And a Happy New Year!
We bid you luck in escaping,
We bid you luck in escaping,
We bid you luck in escaping,
From Duo's coffee craze
Good tidings to you, and all of your kin,
Good health and sanity, and a Happy New Year!
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© Kiriska