Evil Coffee 7



Quatre sighed, Duo had not returned to his shack in two weeks. The only reason the shack was still there was because Quatre stopped Wufei and Heero from torching it. Trowa was rather calm about it at first, but then the arab caught him spraying painting "Duo Maxwell is EVIL" on the walls of an alley. The rich blonde was wondering if Duo would come back, or if he was already back and plotting. Quatre turned on the TV.

"---And here's a clip." And there was the video of Wufei running around in his boxers. (Refer to Evil Coffee Strikes Again) Quatre sweatdropped and called Trowa. "Hello?" "Trowa, turn on the TV, channel 9." he said. "Ok....oh my...Duo's back?" the clown's face was calm. "Probably not, this channel is reporting from...L33321." Quatre told him. "Then are we---" "Hold on Trowa, someone's on the other line." Quatre pressed a button. "WE ARE GOING TO L33321 NOW WINNER! WE ARE GOING TO KILL MAXWELL ONCE AND FOR ALL!" Wufei screamed. Quatre sweatdropped, "Alright, tell Heero, meet me here in 30 minutes."

30 minutes later, Quatre, Trowa, Heero, and Wufei were assembled in front of the Winner Mansion. "What is there to think about?!? We fly over there and kill Maxwell!" the Dragon Warrior screamed. "Calm down Wufei, there has to be a better way." Quatre said quietly. "Like feeding him to my lions." Trowa said. "Or running him over with a car." Heero suggested. Quatre sighed, was he the only one left to defend Duo's life? "We'll decide on the way there, how's that?" he asked. "Fine."

They were on the shuttle on their way to L33321. "What is so hard about this Winner??? We go in there and stick a sword through him." Wufei growled. "Or wring his neck." "Or inject him into space." "Or wrap him up in rawhide so when it drys it will curl up around him and squeeze his insides out like a tube of tooth paste!" Trowa and Heero suggested. "There has to be some alternative." Quatre mumbled stubbornly.

"Ok, we're here, now what?" Heero stepped off the shuttle and turned to Quatre. "We find him." Quatre answered lamely. "Then smear all his guts over the pavement." Wufei muttered. The group entered the city, and was shocked, herds of insane people were everywhere. The people of the colony were all crazy! People were perched on the tops of cars and buildings doing the macarena! And that wasn't the worst of it, there was a huge heap of fruitcake in the middle of the highway piled up as high as the traffic lights. And little kids were dancing in it.

There were people in important suits hurling their briefcases at each other, papers flying everywhere. "Yokoshima kouhiiiiiiiiiii!!" a voice screamed from a building somewhere. Heero jerked his head, "Duo." Quatre looked for the source of the voice. And sure enough, Duo Maxwell was sitting on the top of a skyscraper screeching, "Yokoshima kouhii."(Evil Coffee) "Great, now let's go burn him." Wufei smirked.

A few people in PJs ran past them shrieking; "Otanjoubiomedetougozaimasu." (Happy Birthday.) Heero began scaling the building. Wufei followed him. Trowa did backflips that carried him to higher ledges on the building. Quatre blinked, headed inside the building and used the elevator. Duo spotted Heero, Wufei and Trowa, and grinned. "Hey guys! Come to join the party?" Shinigami dropped three pitchers of coffee down at his friends.

"Pppphhhh! Ppphhh!" Heero tried desperatly to spit the coffee out of his mouth, Duo had amazing aim. Trowa was able to dodge the pitcher aimed at him. Wufei lost his grip trying, he fell to the ground, from the 11th story. And lived. He must've consumed some of the coffee. Trowa turned back to Duo, "OMAE O KOROSU!" Shinigami frowned, "That's Heero's line." But Heero was busily swinging from platform to platform, shrieking like a monkey. Wufei was at the foot of the building, and climbing up a ladder of coffee-insane people that were singing, "If yer happy n' ya know it clap yer hands."

"Even monkeys falllllll from treeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees!" Wufei sang. Heero screamed and dropped from his perch on the 34th floor. Duo snickered and grabbed his video camera. Trowa continued upwards, Heero fell past him. Some people in the building started throwing printers out the window screaming, "Blood-thirtsy flesh-eatting spotted rainbow moths from the planet Venus!" Trowa sweatdropped and reached the 40th floor.

Duo was happily taping Heero crashing into the ladder of people and Wufei, and some people trying to fly when Quatre appeared on the roof. "What are you doing Duo?" he demanded, "Isn't it enough that you got all your friends to drink that stuff?" Shinigami pretended to think, "Nope! I must spread the Evil Coffee craze!" he laughed."But why?" Quatre asked. "Why? Isn't it obvious? To make everyone experince insanity! And to pick up a lot of cool tape material to blackmail people with if I ever decide to take over the world!" Duo giggled.

Quatre blinked, "But didn't you fight so no one would take over the world?" Duo laughed, "Heck no! I fought for the hell of it!" Quatre was surprised. Trowa reached the roof of the building. "Omae o korosu." he panted. Duo turned to him, "That's Heero's line. You're just supposed to be silent and stare at me, it's in the script." "Well what if I don't want to be Mister Calm and Quiet?!?! Huh? What if I want to say 'Omae o korosu'??" Trowa screamed. Duo frowned, "You have to be Mr.Calm and Quiet, your ruining your GW profile."

"What the hell is that?!" Trowa demanded. "Oh, I forgot, you never found out that we're just an anime, and that we can't change our personalities, and that we can never die." Duo said. "WHAT?" Quatre and Trowa screamed. "We're a cartoon?!" Duo nodded, "Duh, why do you think Heero is invincible?" "I'M INVINCIBLE!!!" a voice yelled from below.

"If we were just a show, why didn't we end when we beat OZ and Mariamiya? Wouldn't we just end?" Trowa asked, mocking Duo. But Duo took him seriously, "Becuase we're loved!" he chirped, "People write fanfictions about us! They continue us, otherwise we'd just be void!" Quatre blinked, "But then why do you know this?" Duo laughed, "Because the author had too much sugar and forgot not to tell her characters about it."

"Author?" Trowa mumbled. "I think all that coffee has gone to your head." Quatre said.

Oh yeah?!? You don't believe me?!? Try and kill me then!! Hahahah! I cannnot diiieeee!" Shinigami shrieked. "With pleasure." Trowa fired a gun at Duo. "Trowa!" Quatre screamed, too late. The bullet hit Duo square in the chest. Duo blinked, then started to crackle insanely, "Hahahah! I toldja so! I toldja so! Hahahahahaha!" "This is too weird...." Trowa mumbled.

"I. Am. ALIVE!" Wufei laughed as he climbed onto the roof. "No you ain't." Heero climbed up and shoved Wufei off. "AIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!" the black-haired formor Gundam pilot fell screaming, then he hit the pavement, got up and screamed, "MY MONKEYS DID NOT STEAL THE COOKIES!!! I SWEAR!" Heero stumbled to Trowa, "I know what you did last summmmmmmmmmer! Hahahahahhaha- hic - ahahahahahhaha!" he whispered.

Trowa shoved Heero away. "We of the Evil Coffee shall rule the world! Hahahaha!" Duo announced. "You will all obey meeeeeee!" Heero blinked, "No -hic- way, I'm only listening to my TV speakers, -hic-, they give good advise, like 'It's a story of a lovely lady....who was.." the Perfect Soldier went on to sing the Brady Bunch theme. "THIS IS INSANE! I THINK I'M GOING INSANE! SHOOOOOT ME! END THIS!" Quatre raged.
"End this?" a echoy disembodied voice asked. "Who was that?" Trowa asked. "I don't know." muttered Quatre. "Nooooooo! Quatre you idiot! You have summened the all powerful author!" Duo wailed, "We will end!" "Twinkle twinkle little star.." Heero counted his fingers as he sang. "Alright, I'll end this for now...." the voice said. "Nooooo---"

Evil Coffee 8: Letter to the Makers

© Kiriska