Evil Coffee 3



The Gundam pilots are going to visit Earth. They're going to...Paris! Trowa stared out the shuttle window, trying to block out Duo's nonstop chatter. It was all of their belief that without something to destroy, Duo was intolerable. Heero had come prepared, he had on headphones with the music blasted up, he was after all the perfect soldier. Quatre was trying to be nice, but was obviously annoyed as ever. Wufei had purposely booked a seat far from Duo.

The lady with the cart full of food comes by offering breakfast and coffee, as the shuttle entered the atmosphere. Duo orders a big cup of coffee. Quatre looks worried as Duo takes a sip. "Uh...what kind of coffee is that..Miss?" asks Quatre. "Its from France, I think the can said 'Evil Coffee' or something, I can't remember.." answers the waitress. Quatre's eyes go wide. Duo looks at magazine and drinks more coffee. Quatre shoves Heero. "What?" "Duo just drank some coffee!" Heero choked on the toast he was eating. "He won't go insane as long as he doesn't watch any TV or play games right?" he asks. Quatre shrugs. Duo stares at his friends, "What's with you guys? It's just coffee, get a grip." says Duo as he takes out his Gameboy

Trowa looks at Quatre. "Awww man..." Duo starts playing Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening. "Quick, Trowa, you warn the pilot of the shuttle, Heero warn Wufei and get the tranquilizers...we did pack some right?" Quatre directed orders in a hurry. After Trowa and Heero rushed off, Quatre grabbed Duo's Gameboy and switched it off. "HEY! What's the big ideaaaaa?!?!?! I was about to beat the giant eagle!" Duo complained. "For your own good." replied Quatre. "Humph, I heard that one before and I was knocked out." grumbled Duo.

Duo drank another sip of coffee. "Uh..I don't think you should..." Duo jumps up suddenly and runs down the aisle Immediatly Quatre jumps up and runs after him, dropping the Gameboy. Duo grabbed bits of breakfast from the passengers and littered the aisle. People started yelling. Trowa ran from the pilots, Duo ducked under his arm and Trowa crashed into Quatre. Heero and Wufei ran down the isle, traquilizers in hand. "Where is he?" asked Wufei. "I think he went over there" Trowa jerked his head towards the pilots' control room. WOOOOOSSHHHH!! The door to the plane slid open, air started rushing out. They were lucky to already be in the atmosphere. "WAAAAZZZZZZZZZIIP!!" Duo screamed as he jumped out. Heero, Trowa, Quatre and Wufei just stared for a full 10 seconds before Wufei said casually, "Should we go after him?"

"Well, even if we did go after him, we wouldn't be able to anything, so we might as well go France and see if he landed somewhere there. I doubt he'll kill himself, something about that coffee keeps him alive." says Quatre remembering the pool scene. Trowa sighs, "Whoever manurfactors that coffee is crazy."

Duo falls through the sky, screaming happily. He lands in the Atlantic Ocean. The God of Death on a kamikaze mission. Duo swam towards land and starts to gather his senses. Lucky for him, he was only about half a mile from the shore of...Ireland. He freaked out some poor Irish fishermen. After he dried himself he headed towards the nearest city. People stared at him, whispering behind his back, "Who be that strange lad, Kyle said he came out of the ocean!" Duo found the bank and got some money from Quatre overloaded bank account. (He hacked the password a long time ago, where do you think he all those games and stuff? Working in a salvage yard doesn't excatly bring in loads of money. Lucky for him, Quatre has so much money he never notices any missing.)

Duo walked all the way to the airport. A short old man went up to him, "Is ye a leprechaun, lad?" Duo looked at him strangely, and kept walking. After proving his identity several times he managed to get a plane to France. Tired and annoyed by the time he got there, Duo found his friends waiting for him. "How'dja know I was coming?" "It wasn't very hard, Heero attached one of those tracker things on you before we left, we was afraid you'd get lost." grinned Wufei. Duo gave him a dirty look, "Treat me like a dog, eh? Well in France you warship mutts, get down n' bow ya yellow-bellied worthog." "Oh, you two be quiet, lets go back to the hotel, ok? Get some sleep so you won't need coffee in the morning." Quatre picked up their bags.

The next morning, Quatre woke early and carefully made sure there was no coffee in the hotel room. Heero was the second one up. Followed by Wufei and Trowa. An alarm clock rang. An alarm clock died. A grumpy Duo entered the kitchen. "Do you'll want to make yer own brekfast or do you'll want to go downstaitrs?" asked Quatre pleasently. "Downstairs, you guys go ahead, I need to brush my hair, swimming with the fishes didn't help it." answers Duo.

43 minutes later, Duo joins the others downstairs in the resturant part of the hotel, his hair looked raggled. "What the freak took you so long, Maxwell?!?!" Wufei demanded. "I found a dead fish tangled in my hair, I couldn't run the brush through it, it had too many tangles, the bathroom didn't have detangler, and there was some seaweed in there too." replied Duo frankly. Trowa sighed, "You should really cut it, ya know." Duo got defensive, "Oh yeah? Well at least I don't use 12 bottles of hair gel a week!" Quatre interupted Trowa before he could say anything, "Let's just eat, ok?"

After a quick breakfast, the group of five left the hotel. They walked along the many shops of France, listening to Duo complain about his hair. "WILL YOU SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR HAIR ALREADY?!?!!? I can't believe I agreed to come with you'll, this chatterbox is driving me insane!!" exploded Wufei. Quatre dragged Wufei to a corner before Duo could get to him. "Calm down, Duo, let's just enjoy this ok? Maybe you can find a hair place. Just calm down." Trowa said. Duo sighed, "Ok, fine, I'll shut up, I need some coffee, there's a coffee shop over there, how 'bout I meet you guys at the Eifel Tower at 3." "Ok, but don't drink too much coffee, ok?" Heero said as he and Trowa walked towards Wufei and Quatre. "Nani? Too much coffee? There's no such thing!" laughed Duo as he ran off, unfortunatly, the others didn't hear the remark...

Duo entered the coffee shop. A few people stared at his hair, then turned away. "One big cup of coffee, any kind." said Duo. The lady at the counter stared. Duo got angry, "Look, I know my hair looks weird, but I want COFFEE! KOUHII!! Oh wait, that's Japanese...French...VESEUSE!! What do you think I'm doing in a coffee shop!" he screamed at the lady. The lady at the counter got him some coffee. Duo took a biiigggg sip. "Ahhhhh...thanks."

Duo paid and went outside, leaving the lady to stare at his space coloney money. He couldn't find his Gameboy so he rented one and a game. Unfortunatly for him, the only game avalible at the rental place was Pokemon Blue, but he was despreate enough to get it. He found a hair salon. He got pissed off when the lady there thought he was a girl, but decided not to make a scene. He took a seat and started playing, the game was in French, but that was ok, Duo had set his goals to kill Pikachus and it didn't matter much what the words said. Every 3 Pikachu, Duo sipped his coffee...

After the 27th Pikachu fainted, Duo threw up the game and screamed, "PIKACHU" and ran out the salon. His hair was still wet with shampoo as the God of Death once again lost his sanity and ran down the street. Duo kept on shrieking 'Pikachu' as he neared the Eifel Tower. It was only 2:03 but Heero, Trowa, Quatre and Wufei were already at the Eifel Tower because they figured when Duo got there it wouldn't be enjoyable anymore. Or thats what Wufei said. "Pika, Pikachu!!! KACHU!!! PiKACHU! Pi, pi, pika, pikachu! Chaaaa! PikakakakaCHUUU!" "What the heck is that?" demanded Wufei turning towards the screams.

"Oh...no..." started Quatre. "Don't tell me it's Duo." sighs Trowa. "It's Duo." confirmed Heero. "ARRGGG" Wufei groaned. A insane person wearing all black clothing with long wet chestnut hair covered in shampoo bubbles tore down the street. "Did we bring the tranq-gun?" wonders Trowa. "Pika, pika, pikachu, AHHHHHH!! It's PIKACHU! RUNNN!" screeches Duo. Duo leaps onto the side of the Eifel Tower and started climing. "We must escape from the evil Pikachus. They are evil! Deathscythe! You have to cream them! AHHHH!! It's GOT ME!" Duo climbed faster. "Awww, crap, I'll bet you 200 bucks he's gonna jump when he gets to the top." says Quatre as the group rushed to the elevator.

"Back! Back, you fiend! You'll never take me alive! Never! Back, Fools!" Duo gains an Old English accent. Duo nears the top of the tower. People below scream and shout. A fire truck parked left of the tower. "RUN, Solo! You can escape! You can make it, those evil Pikachu's will never take us!" Duo waves a hand at one of his invisable Pikachu. Quatre and the others have reached as far as the elevator takes them; 20 feet from the top of the tower. Duo is inches from the top, "NOO!! Solo! You evil Pikachus, you may have gotten Solo, but you will never get me!!" Duo jumps. "You owe me 200 bucks Quatre, he wasn't at the top." says Trowa sarcasticlly. "Well, there was nothing we could do, we'll miss you Maxwell." sighs Wufei, just as sarcasticlly.

"C'mon!" Quatre dragged the sarcastic group back to the elevator. Back on the ground, Duo went KEERSPLAT!! A little kid bystander did a Tweety Bird impression, "Oooo, he go down and go BOOM!!" Duo stood straight up, to the suprise of many people, and lit down the street. Quatre and company followed, tranq-guns in hand. Duo ran like the wind, now screaming: "WAZZZUP!!" at the people he passed. Duo jumped on top of a cab and scared the pee out of the driver. Duo went, "BaOOOOOga", jumped off the car and ran inside of coffee shop.

Duo grabbed the big box of coffee mix and dumped it all in his mouth. Quatre went up to a freaked-out-looking lady, "Did an seemingly insane person come by here?" The lady shouted some words in French then replied, "Yes, he jumped on cab and ran into that coffee shop!" "Thanks, lady, c'mon guys!" Quatre, Heero, Trowa and Wufei rushed into the coffee shop. "If we ever catch him, remind me to kill him" grumbled Wufei. They cornered Duo, the people in the shop had climbed onto chairs and tables. Duo threw a canister of coffee at them and jumped out the window.

"I'll kill you Maxwell!! You just ruined my shirt!! ARRGGG!!" Wufei jumped out the window after him. "Wufei! We don't need two psycho people!" shouted Trowa as they climbed through the window. Duo ran to a cafè, it was an outdoor cafè... Duo jumped onto a table and grabbed the umbrella. A tiny poodle bounded from another table and locked her jaws on Duo's pant leg. Duo screamed like a girl (I don't like that phrase...), jumped off the table with the umbrella. Wufei and the others appeared around the corner. Duo was jumping around with an umbrella screaming, "Evil Pikachu!!!"

Duo slammed the umbrella into the cafè window. A lady inside screamed. FLIT! FLIT! FLIT! Two tranq-darts were embedded in Duo's leg and one on the poodle. The poodle whined, let go of Duo and ran off. Duo swung the umbrella like a baseball bat. "Back! Back, evil yellow rats!! You won't take me like you did Solo! Never!" FLIT! FLIT! FLIT! Another dart caught Duo's arm, one hit a fat lady, and one hit a waiter. Duo threw the umbrella at Heero. Heero tried to dodge, but the sharp end of the umbrella hit his arm.

Duo took off, grabbed a chair, kept running. FLIT! FLIT! FLIT! FLIT! FLIT! Duo sat down in the chair, flipped some invisable switches and shouted, "Hahahaha, come and get me fools! You'll never stand to live the power of Shinigami!!" "I'll never live the stupidness of my decision to come here.." muttered Wufei. "You'll never...never...withstand..." Duo passed out. Heero dragged his insane carcass back to the hotel while Quatre talked with the cafè owner, coffee shop owner, hair salon manager, video game rental guy, cab driver, Eifel Tower tour manager, and the police...

They locked Duo in his room and left the TV on. The next morning, Heero woke up with shaving cream in his bed, Quatre with "Pikachu Sux" posters all over the room covered in silly-string, and Trowa's hair was dyed blue. Wufei's room was untouched... Duo's lock was broken, but Duo was nowhere to be found....Wufei looked very happy...hmmmm...

Evil Coffee Strikes Again

© Kiriska