Return of the Evil Coffee
Another day, Duo rumages through his shack searching for
sometime to drink. He literally dumps all the contents from his
refridgerator, annoyed. "When was the last time I---" a
brown container catches his eye. "Hey what's this? I don't
remember getting this..oh well, it's a drink.." Duo brews
the coffee, not noticing the strangely familiar warning label:
Warning: Don't give to overactive beings. Don't watch educational
TV or play video games afterwards. Don't drink more than one cup
a day. Don't leave drinker unattended. Duo takes a nice loooong
sip of the Evil Coffee.
Duo decides to play Zelda 64. A few minutes into the game, Duo
gets another drink of coffee. Suddenly Duo finds himself
screaming at the Poe that he was chasing. Duo yanks out the
controller and starts running around the shack. Duo runs out of
his shack, leaving the game on, and heads towards Quatre's giant
mansion. Several guards run when they spot him; they weren't to
shot him because he was a friend of Quatre's, but it's not like
it was safe to stay put.
Duo jumped through a window, controller still in hand. Quatre
hears him immediatly. Tables, vases, chairs, and pictures crash
to the ground as the coffee insane Duo rampages through the
house. As soon as Quatre realizes what has happened he ordered
that a straight jacket and tranquilzers be brought, and made sure
that the pool was filled. Duo got to the kitchen, the poor
unsuspecting cooks were doomed...Pots and pans flew in every
direction, knives and forks speared into food. All the while Duo
was screaming stuff like, "Take that you mindless purple
Poe! Giddup, Epona! You can run yer horse hinny faster than that!
Ahhhhhh!! Zombies!"
Eventually, Quatre and some guards cornered Duo. Duo is crackling
insanely and clutching to the controlller, whose cord is wrapped
around his left leg. "Duo, Duo, calm down, yes that's it,
good boy, calm down..." coaxed Quatre. Duo bolted, he ran
through the guard, knocking him to one side. Duo ran down the
hall, plowing through any and every obsticle in his way, holding
the controller like a football. One guard grabbed hold of the
trailing cord of the controller. Bad Move. Duo charged even
faster, the poor guard was dragged through the halls.
The gone-insane God of Death burst through the front door and
headed back towards his shack, still running at full speed, the
guard still trailing from the cord. A troop of guards and Quatre
followed closely. When Duo got home, he dumped the rest of the
contents of the coffee can into his mouth, chewed and swallowed.
This gave the guard time to spew, blow chunks, toss cookies,
barf, puke, vomit, and throw up (suprising how many ways there
are to say that) all over the floor. Duo giggled, put the coffee
can on his head, duct taped it there and threw the controller out
the door.
The guards were there, one finally shot Duo with a super-strength
elephant tranqulizer...
Duo collapes on the barf a weird grin plastered on his face. The
guards picked him up and..Duo gets up! Wet, gooey chunks of
whatever-that-guard-ate-for-breakfast clung to his face. Duo let
out a crackle of insanity and ran out the back door. He ran. And
ran. And when he was done, he ran some more. He made it to
Wufei's house...(For better or worse?) Wufei was on the porch
meditating or something. Duo ran over him and into his house.(for
worse)
"What the...MAXWELL!!!" Wufei got up and screamed after
him. Duo ran through the house knocking over everything. Wufei
followed him furiously, shrieking "You're gonna pay for
this!" Duo ran out the back. Wufei is joined by Quatre,
Quatre's guards, and Heero, who brought "Duo Nip" which
was really cheetos and apple bits mixed together. The cornered
Duo in the corner of the yard. Duo was screaming,
"WOOOOGGAAAAFFFF!!" Heero had brought earmuffs. Quatre
was holding a handful of Duo Nip and trying to get Duo close
enough to the big, cannon-size tranquilzer parked out front. Duo
approached him cautiously...grabbed the bag from Heero and ran
through the fence!
Duo ran into a guy mowing his yard. He dumped the Duo Nip into
this mouth, spilling a lot of it. Then he grabbed the lawn mower
and headed straight for the guy's house. The poor guy freaked out
and started calling for the police. Quatre and the others ran
after the rampaging caffine-high boy with a lawn mower. Duo
plowed through the back wall of the guy's house, the front wall
of the guys house, the houses of three other people, and headed
towards the field where the circus was unloading...Unfortunatly,
the caffine rush was wearing off. Duo got back enough sence to
not ran the lawn mower into the elephant.
He ran towards Catherine's trailer...Trowa spotted him, dropped
the stuff he was holding and ran towards the
disaster-about-to-happen. Duo turned off the mower, and knocked
on the door, like the normal person he wasn't. Catherine opened
the door and screamed. Duo had puffed up his cheeked and was
pulling on his ears, and was rolling his eyes around. Catherine
slammed the door, Duo ran through the door. Trowa ran inside. The
lights went out inside the trailer. A lot of screaming and
yelling followed. Catherine exploded from the roof of the trailer
and landed in some elephant muck a few yards away. Duo ran
through the left wall and went off into the woods.
Trowa is joined the the others. When they found Duo, he was back
at his shack, unconscious infront of the TV. (Which was Link
lying there dead cuz he was beat up by zombies) They decided that
the coffee had warn off and that it was safe to leave him. Quatre
promised he'd pay for the damages ($5,875,771) The next morning
when Quatre woke up, the first thing he saw was the huge live
spider this face. Then all the little spiders around the room,
then all the fake webs around the room. Quatre didn't even
flinch. At least I know he's back to normal, thinks Quatre as he
picks a tiny spider out of his ear.
© Kiriska