Evil Coffee
Its another boring Friday night at Quatre's. Trowa and Quatre
are playing chess with Wufei giving tips to both sides. Heero is
flipping through the channels while Duo rummages through the
kitchen. "Hmm, Poptarts, Cherrios, Crackers...ahhh,
COFFEE!!" Duo grabs a large can of coffee. "Duo, put
that back, that'll make you even less tolerable than you already
are." says Heero, eyes not moving from the TV. Duo doesn't
listen and starts making coffee. 3 minutes later, the coffee is
done and Duo takes a nice big sip.
Heero stops flipping channels and leaves it on the Discovery
channel. "Heero, I'd check the warning label on the coffee
can while Duo's still sane." suggests Quatre. Heero grabs
the coffee can and Duo plops in front of the TV. Heero reads the
warning label, "Warning: Don't give to overactive beings.
Don't watch educational TV afterwards. Don't drink more than one
cup a day. Don't leave drinker unattended...." "OOOO,
OOO, OOO EEE EEE EEE!!!" Duo is jumping up and down in front
of the TV, scratching his armpits.
"Oh no, change the channel!" yelps Trowa. Heero dives
for the remote but Duo growls and snaps at him, keeping the
remote under himself. "This is bad, Trowa, get rid of that
coffee! Heero hold him back and I'll grab the remote!"
commands Quatre. Duo starts howling like the wolf on the TV, and
growls as Heero approaches him. Heero pounces and grabs Duo from
the back. Quatre changes the channel to a movie channel. Duo
bites Heero's arm. "Owww, shit!" screams Heero. Duo
gets down on all fours and picks up the remote in his teeth, then
stops. The movie on the movie channel is Jumanji. Duo gets up and
runs into the kitchen, he grabs the coffee can from the trash and
gulps the coffee mix right from the can.
Duo starts screaming like a maniac and runs around the house.
Wufei covers his ears and yells, "Shut UP!" Duo pays no
attention and runs right into Trowa who falls down on the TV,
smashing it. Duo stops running and screaming and stares at the
broken TV. "NOW! Grab him and put him in the straight
jacket!" Trowa dives and grabs Duo by the legs, knocking him
down. Heero gets the straight jacket and starts to wrap him up.
Duo resumes screaming. Heero covers his ears instinctively,
dropping the jacket. Duo takes this opportunity and takes off.
Duo runs down the hall and runs into a room. He climbs the high
dive on Quatre's indoor Olympic swim pool. Wufei gets there
first, "Get down you maniac!" he yells. Duo starts
giggling insanely. Heero and Quatre run into the room. "DUO!
The pool is empty! I repeat, there’s NO WATER IN
IT!!!!" screams Quatre. Too late. Duo jumps off the 20-meter
high dive and crashes into the empty pool. CONK! Heero and Wufei
drag his body out of the pool. He's still alive....he jumps up
and runs out of the room.
Duo is found again in the kitchen eating coffee mix. Trowa throws
the coffee can out the window. Duo jumps out the window. Not able
to locate his precious can of coffee, Duo runs into the streets.
"This is bad...he can hurt people out there! Not to mention
my new car!" yells Quatre as they follow him outside. Duo
is...skipping on the highway, cars all around him crash into each
other. Duo runs into the forest where his braid gets tangled in
the branches. Hysterical laughing escapes from his mouth again as
he untangles his braid by undoing his hair. Now a guy with really
long brown chestnut hair and a bloody and torn shirt is running
towards a mall with four other guys chasing him. "Duo get
back here! If we ever catch you, I'll kill you!!" yells
Heero panting hard.
Duo enters the mall, still laughing. Confused costumers watch
him, "Is that a guy or a girl?" "What’s that
guy doing?" "Is he or she, or um, whatever that is a
escaped psycho?" "Lets get out of here.." Duo is
climbing one of those trees they stick in malls. He's at the top.
He jumps, causing several people to scream, and lands on top of a
sign. "WOO HOO HOO HOO, HAHAHAHAHAH!" he screams.
Heero, Quatre, Wufei and Trowa enter the mall, tired.
Duo's caffineic insanity is starting to wear off. He jumps off
the sign and runs towards his friends. He runs past them and into
a toy store. He grabs a toy M16 and points at the others. The
crowd starts to laugh. The guy at the toy store's counter looks
mistfyed. Duo marches his friends back to Quatre's place with the
toy gun. His insanity almost completely gone, he throws the gun
on the couch and plops in front of the another TV. "Do you
think it's safe to leave him here?" asks Quatre. "Ahh,
leave him, I'm sleepy, if we wake up and we're in the hospital,
it means he burnt down the house." replys Wufei grumpily.
The next morning they find Duo asleep in front of the TV. Reruns
of X-Files were on. "Well, I guess he's back to
normal..." starts Heero. "MY CAR!!" screams Quatre
elsewhere in the house. Duo snickers in his sleep. "Yup,
back to normal."
© Kiriska