"1001 Ways to Kill Duo"
By: Heero Yuy, Trowa Barton, &
Wufei Chang (as mentioned in Evil Coffee 8: Letter to the
Makers)
1) Shoot him with a shot gun.
2) Shoot him with a machine gun.
3) Shoot him with a bazooka.
4) Shoot him with a sniper.
5) Shoot him with a Uzi.
#6 - #200 - Shoot him with all the other different types of
guns/flamethrowers/nuclear weapons out there.
201) Stuff his shirt with grenades.
202) Put live, starving piranhas in his toilet
203) Put an axe through his head
204) Knife through his chest
205) Poke his eyes out with a stick
206) Hang him
207) Sic a rabid dog on him.
208) Sic a rabid goat on him.
209) Sic a rabid elephant on him.
210) Sic a rabid pig on him.
#211 - #500 - Sic all other rabid animals/plants/fangirls on him.
501) Starve him.
502) Run him over with a car.
503) Feed him to Trowa's lions
504) Inject him into space
505) Wrap him up in rawhide so when it dries it will curl up
around him and squeeze his insides out like a tube of tooth paste
506) Throw him off a building.
507) Lock him in a pink room for a month.
508) Eat him.
509) Leave him alone with some Duo-hating authors
510) Nail his tongue to a wall and leave him there.
511) Leave him with a pissed Catherine, the Knife-Thrower.
512) Leave him in the middle of the desert.
513) Bury him alive.
514) Drop him in a volcano.
515) Drop him down a fissure
516) Toss him in a hurricane
517) Chain him in the path of a tornado
518) Burn him.
519) Tie him to a lightning rod.
520) Drop him in a raging flood
521) Drop him in a giant ant hill.
522) Poison his food.
523) Poison his shampoo.
524) Plant land mines around his house.
525) Lock him in a room with a TV that plays Barney 24/7
526) Drop him down a well.
527) Cut off a finger everyday and let him bleed to death
528) Cut out his heart
529) Cut out both kidneys
530) Cut out both lungs
531) Cut out both livers
532) Cut out his large intestines
533) Cut out his small intestines
534) Cut out his stomach
#535 - #600 - Cut other all other vital
organs/not-so-important-but-still-pretty-important organs
601) Send him back in time with the dinosaurs.
602) Twist his neck around.
603) Put him in an electric chair
604) Lethal injection
605) Guillotine
606) Tie him onto a wrecking ball
607) Use a chain saw
608) Drain all his blood
609) Skin him alive
610) Slowly replace all his blood with chloroplast
611) Slowly replace all his blood with tomato juice
612) Slowly replace all his blood with apple sauce
613) Slowly replace all his blood with liquefied dung
614) Slowly replace all his blood with liquefied mold.
#615 - #800 - Slowly replace his blood with other substances that
don't belong in your veins.
801) Tie each limb onto a horse, make horses run in different
directions.
802) Stuff dynamite down his throat.
803) Shove him in a room with an angry scyther and/or pincer.
804) Boil him.
805) Run him over with a train
806) Drop him out of an airplane
807) Drop him in the middle of the ocean
808) Run him over with a bulldozer
809) Run him over with a truck.
810) Run him over with a shuttle
811) Stuff him in a large oven
812) Leave him in the middle of the arctic
813) Leave him in the middle of the Antarctic.
814) Leave him in the middle of the Amazon Rainforest
815) Leave him in the middle of the African Savanah
816) Leave him in the middle of nowhere.
817) Lock him in a room full of Pikachu.
818) Poke him continuously with sticks.
819) Shoot him with arrows.
820) Sacrifice him to the goats.
821) Play kickball with him as the ball.
822) Make him eat asparagus.
823) Don't let him eat tacos. He'll explode.
824) Steal his Dreamcast and hope he becomes suicidal as opposed
to homicidal.
825) Steal his N64 and hope he becomes suicidal as opposed to
homicidal.
826) Steal his Gamecube and hope he becomes suicidal as opposed
to homicidal.
827) Steal his blanket and hope he becomes suicidal as opposed to
homicidal.
828) Steal his stuffed rabbit and hope he becomes suicidal as
opposed to homicidal.
#829 - #900 - Steal all the other stuff that he
likes/loves/warships.
901) Put some kind of control device in his legs and make him run
a million laps around the colony or until his heart explodes,
whichever comes first.
902) Put some kind of control device in his arms and make him
strangle himself.
903) Strangle him yourself.
904) Put him on a hot air balloon with enough gas to each the
atmosphere and watch him explode from lack of air.
905) Break his arm and don't pay his medical bills.
906) Break his leg and don't pay his medical bills.
910) Break his neck and don't pay his medical bills.
911) Break his back and don't pay his medical bills.
#912 - #990 - Break other important bones in his body and don't
pay his medical bills and/or kill his doctor.
991) Kill his propaganda and image.
992) Remove his guts and smear them all over the pavement.
993) Lock him in a room full of mosquitoes.
994) Lock him in a room full of killer bees.
995) Drop him in a pit of sharp, pointy, pencils.
996) Send him into another dimension.
997) Let scientists use him as a human experimental subject
998) Let NASA use him as an experimental monkey-person to see if
there are planets beyond Pluto.
999) Send him into the sun.
1000) Use a butcher's knife
1001) Poison his cheese.
If all above fails: Just move to Wyoming.
~
© Kiriska