Chapter 43 : Forlorn Destiny

Hikari

He was staring at me; his pale face drained of life and blood, and his eyes empty sockets in his head. His hair was stringy and limp, billowing in an invisible breeze; that was the only movement he gave, and it seemed to make his condition all the more obvious. A faint light pulsed from behind him, outlining his body in a weak glow, making it stark against the infinite black hell that surrounded us. His arms were outstretched, holding a string of three heads. Mimi's head was in his left hand, Sora's in his right, with Joe's suspending in the middle by a copper wire. Their faces were were cold, hardened, expressionless. Blood dripped from their necks and spilt all over his fingers, puddling to the ground before him. Two pairs of feathery white wings erupted from his back, ripping through his shirt of the same color. They lifted him upwards, heads still in hand. Takeru's body became shadowed as it lifted away, small compared to the other creature that loomed overhead.

Plastic strings became visible, shining a bit in the pale light. They lifted up from the dark surface of satanic emptiness, being pulled taunt. His despicable blue eyes twinkled with morbid amusement as three dolls were revealed. Pretty little plushes of Taichi, Koushirou, and myself were pulled up to a standing position, arms and legs controlled by the puppet strings. The stitchings were loose and some stuffing had already begun spilling, but the twisted puppet master made us dance. A sad, painful dance it was, each step taken tore the fabric more, releasing more of the inner contents. Some stupid, upbeat, classical piece was playing, echoing through the emptiness. It sounded vampire-ish, gothic. The violins screamed as they helplessly swung around limbs around, the strings shimmering energetically. Aymichi's gigantic face looked down from above, a demonic grin plastered to his face.

As the dance wore on, the doll of Taichi ripped in half, the cotton stuffing a sordid red. As the puppet fell limp, the X-shaped controls were tossed down from the black sky, crushing his broken form. A hollow laugh bounced off the walls, as another godly figure came into view. Matt reached down with a huge hand and picked up the plush of me, the strings trailed after me, then pulled loose as Aymichi directed all of his attention to Izzy, allowing control of my doll to the grinning blonde. The doll's body was already pretty battered, stuffing coming out of a large tear in its head. My brother's best friend pulled at the fabric, stretching it, ripping it more. Soon there was nothing more but a bundle of rags held together by puppet strings in his hands. Yamato dropped the remains of the doll onto the Tai plush while Aymichi set Koushirou's doll ablaze. The little toy quickly became a charred crisp and it too was deposited on the pile of ruined dolls.

"Kari! Kari!" The shapes became blurred and distorted, the voice that called seemed distant and unfamiliar. "Kari! Hikari Kamiya!" I snapped awake, the darkness fading into the reality around me. The entire class had turned in their chairs and were facing me, some of them were laughing, others looked on sympathetically, still others looked afraid. The room slowly came back into focus, the blackboard, the charts and graphs, and the teacher at the front of the room look straight at me. The clock behind her read three o'clock; there were only fifteen minutes left, she'd better not send me to the counselor again. "Kari, are you alright?" Did I look alright? I was a mess, it was obvious. Why ask the obvious?

"I'm fine." I mumbled, looking away. It was sunny outside, distracting, how could it be such a beautiful day when there were psychos loose in the streets? And I knew there were...Aymichi hadn't been caught, Matt hadn't been caught. They were both still at large, running free in Odaiba, waiting for their chances..."Are you sure? Do you want to do to the nurse?" No, not really, but I didn't want to stay here with you ignorant people...All they could say was that they felt sorry for me, and tell me that everything would be alright. Well, you know what, that's what you said when TK died, that's what you said when Mimi died, that's what you said when Joe died, but then why do people keep dying!? Its not alright! It isn't going to be alright...we're all going to die, stop telling me otherwise...

I stood up in my seat, "Fine, whatever." I grabbed my stuff and crossed the room, headed for the door, the class watching my every move. The globs of muscle that were their eyes followed me to the door and kept staring after I had left. What did they expect to see? A homicidal maniac leap out from the shadows and kill me? Is that what they expected to see? And why not? It wasn't as if it was unlikely. After all, who would have thought that Mimi would be killed on Halloween night, in the midst of her friends? And who would have thought Joe would be slaughtered and decapitated in his own home? And how likely was it that someone would snipe Sora right in front of the police's nose? No one, of course, it wasn't logical. But didn't they realize that Aymichi was frikkin' insane?!

He wasn't going to be logical, if he was logical and predictable then he would have been caught long ago. I glared bitterly at the silver-blue lockers as I walked down the empty halls. One of the policemen were following me of course, he had been standing outside the classroom the whole time. The other one had been standing in the back of the room, but I didn't see him now. Maybe he stayed behind to talk with the teacher, I didn't care. It wasn't as if they would or could save me if someone decided to kill me. They'd be lucky if they caught the killer after I was slain. Pathetic, underpaid bastards; that's what Taichi had called them. Worthless scum that did not want to do their job for such low pay. It was kind of funny.

My mind froze at the thought of my brother though, and the dream came back to me. Man, I was tired. I couldn't sleep at night, Aymichi and Matt hid in the shadows of my room. They were THERE...I don't know how they get in, or how they get out before someone else notices, but they are there. I see their eyes watching from the window, or in some corner. But every time I point them out or draw closer, they disappear. Maybe they've stolen some weird cloaking technology? I don't know. But the police think I'm "seeing things under stress", and Tai just said that it would all be over soon. What was that supposed to mean? It would all be over soon? I was going to die wasn't I? Yeah, that was it. I was going to die and it would all be over soon.

I guess I've gone bitter, paranoid and cynical, haven't I? But wouldn't you? I might not live to be old and so why not get like that now instead of later? I wondered if Tai was on his way over here, the high school lets out first. I wondered if he was alright, if Izzy was alright. I wondered if they were still alive. Would today be another day past without notice or event? Or would today be the date of a fifth death? I wandered aimlessly in the halls, waiting anxiously for the bell to ring so I could leave. The officer trailing me looked like he was going to say something when we past the nurse's office without stopping, twice, but he didn't. Good. I didn't feel like telling him off.

The bell rang and I was outside within three seconds. The bright sun hurt my eyes, but I knew the path out of the schoolyard well enough to get out blind. The policemens' footsteps followed me down the steps, heavy and slow. Bringing one hand up to shield from the sun, I was extremely relieved to see Taichi standing at the gates, two guards behind him, and smiling warily. "Good to see you're still alive, 'niichan." I said quietly as I left school. The Keeper of the Crest of Courage sighed and started walking as well, keeping pace with me. "Don't talk like that, Kari...its depressing." I sighed as well. Of course it was depressing; was it supposed to be cheerful? We were supposed to have more company afternoons after school. Sora, Mimi, TK and Joe occasionally,...I was about to reply when I saw a figure watching us from across the street, dirty blonde hair stuck out under a black hood. I stopped suddenly to look at him, startling Tai.

"What?" He asked, transferring his gaze in the direction I was staring. "That guy was looking at us." I said uneasily, feeling the ominous fear return. I kept going back and forth from scared to angry, I hated it. I felt so helpless. There was nothing I could do for myself or anyone else...I wasn't used to that. Gatomon used to protect me, and so I wasn't afraid of everything. But she's not here anymore. "...There's no one there, Kari." Tai's voice sounded worried. I stared at the suspicious person across the street. Oh he was there, watching; green eyes glinted off the afternoon sun. But I decided to let it go. It wasn't the first time I had seen something that others' had not. I wasn't sure if it was me seeing things or if it was them deciding not to acknowledge it. I should learn to just keep my mouth shut, I decided, what did it matter if they were really there or not? It'll be over soon.

We continued walking in silence, my brother staring blankly at the path before him and be looking at things out of the corner of my eye. I thought about my dreams again, there were dozens to go through, each as vivid and horrible as the next. In most of them Aymichi was the sole psychopath, but Matt had appeared in several as well...that was what scared me. The idea that a fellow former-digidestined would go insane and come after my blood. And he had every reason to... It was me that turned him in and made things hard for him after all. Taichi still believed that Yama would come clean in the end, that he was just insecure and needed time to heal, and he told me so. But I didn't believe him. Not after seeing him hold Mimi up against the wall, knife in hand and screaming like that...

Maybe Tai didn't really believe that either and was only sticking up for Yamato because he had been his best friend? And Takeru's brother... Matt reached down with a huge hand and picked up the plush of me. I shuddered, and glanced backwards at two policemen that were following us; the other two seemed to have left. There was a ragged-looking guy lingering by the bus stop we just passed, he was looking straight at me, a crooked smile on his face. I jumped back a bit, then turned back to the front. "Kari, are you ok?" Tai asked, looking backwards briefly before turning to me. "I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine..." I muttered, not wanting him to think me crazier than he already did. He and Koushirou were the only people I had left,...I didn't want them to think me crazy no matter how much it may be true.

But I was feeling really nervous now. I didn't want to be outside, there was no cover, no place to be safe. At home there were walls separated us from the world of murderers and death. There were doors and windows with a dozen locks...I didn't think they were much, but they were better than the empty air that separated me from the people that stalked the street corners. Any one of them could be Aymichi,...or Matt, or some other deranged person with a gun or knife. I forced myself to stare straight ahead, like Taichi was, and tried to ignore all the other people walking on the street as well. Students filled the streets now, going about all their after school activities, chatting amongst their groups and planning trips to the movies. There were so many,...what was to keep Yama or Aymichi from stealing clean clothes, dressing up like the rest of them, and sneaking up behind us? It'll be over soon.

We finally reached the apartment, where two more policemen were waiting on the steps, they exchanged a few words with the ones that had been following us and switched off. The men looked quite bored, sympathetic, but bored. I couldn't fight the compulsion to turn around before heading inside, and looked down the street we had just come up. God, I wish I hadn't turned. I saw Yamato, plain and simple, standing at the entrance of an alley glaring at me with murderous blue eyes. When he realized I saw him, he ducked away hurriedly. That hadn't been some darkly dressed figure looking at me. It was Matt! He wasn't disguised or hiding, he was there! He was there, he was there, he was there!! I was sure of it! I could feel myself shaking as I bounded into the apartment building after Tai, wondering whether or not I should tell him.

He wouldn't believe me,...but it had been Yamato! I was sure, I was sure! All those other people merely looked suspicious and the possibility that they could be what I feared was what bothered me so. But this! This! This wasn't an illusion or a possibility. It was real! Matt had been hiding in the alley and he had been staring straight at me! Perhaps I should tell the police? Would they believe me if my brother wouldn't? What were the chances of that? I had cried wolf to them a dozen times already, they wouldn't believe me, who was I kidding? But he was there! What could I do? I was the shepherd that had seen the wolf a thousand times when he wasn't there, and the villagers believed me then, but would they now? Or would the tale go as it had and the sheep will be slaughtered? Would Taichi and I die because of my paranoia? No, no, no; we can't die, we can't die. Taichi can't die, he's lived through all this, he led us through all that, he can't die now. I had to tell someone, I had to try.

I downed a glass of soda and went into Tai's room, where he was at his desk working on homework. He looked particularly worried about something, the papers under his pen were completely blank. "Tai?" He looked up quickly, a bit surprised. "Hmm?" I sat down on his bed and looked out the window, trying to pick out reasonable, believable words to use. He turned around in his seat and looked at me, waiting. I sighed, frustrated. "I know you probably won't believe me, but...I-I saw Matt out in the alley down the street..." There was a moment of silence, during which my brother just stared at me, but I continued before he could say anything, "I saw him! I know I did,...I didn't imagine it...it wasn't just some guy dressed in rags and looking creepy. It was him! I know it was him! Please...If the police go out now, they may be able to catch him...I know you don't really want him caught because he's your friend, but, but what if he really is crazy and wants to...to...please,...Taichi, I saw him, he was outside, looking at us...he was there..."

My words thinned out and my stupid ramble ended. Tai looked mildly afraid and extremely worried, perhaps more so than usual. He bit his lip, as if he wanted to say something but thought better of it. He didn't believe me. I knew he wouldn't. His little sister was crazy, why should he believe her? "Kari,...I know you're---" I cut him off, angry now. Couldn't they just believe me for once? Did they ever think of what would happen if I actually saw what I saw?

"I knew it! You don't believe me, just like the rest of them! You think I'm crazy and seeing things! I have no credibility! I SAW HIM! But fine! Don't believe me! It doesn't matter anyway!" "Kari! It's not that just--" "Forget it!" I got up from the bed and left the room, retreating to my own room and slamming the door behind me. There was a policemen sitting in a chair in the corner. No doubt he was obliged to be there, but that only spurred my anger only more. "Get out! Get out!" I screamed at him, jabbing wildly at the door, "If you're here to protect me then why doesn't anyone believe what I have to say!? What if its true?!" The poor man scurried from the room, not wanting to provoke my frustrated fury. As he closed the door behind him, I heard murmuring voices in the hall. They were talking about me again. She's crazy, they'd say. She's seeing things, they'd say. I saw him,...I know I saw him... It'll be over soon.

~

The night was dark and cold, so different from the blazing light and heat of day. I don't think I've never really realized it before. The days' events used to cycle by so quickly, demanding all your attention that you'd never have a chance to realize such small, insignificant things such as the that. School, parties, dances, homework, parents, all that; they took up your time. And at night you were just so tired that you were asleep before you had fully landed on the bed, then the next day you pop right back up again, refreshed and ready for another day chock full of activity. You never pause to think about the day and night, why would you? It was stupid. I stared out into the inky blackness, dotted with the city's lights. It was creepy. The shadows could conceal anything. For a moment, I thought I saw Matt again, dodging in between the street lamps below, trying to keep himself hidden. He looked up at me, the sapphire eyes held the same disturbing gaze they had this afternoon. I shuddered.

My anger had subsided again; I was too tired to be angry. But I was never too tired to be afraid, and especially at night, my fear was multiplied by a thousand. "Try and get some sleep, Kari, don't worry about Yamato...Mom has police on every entrance of this apartment, one at the door, and one outside this room. No one's getting in. And if they do, I'll deal with them." Tai was rolling out his sleeping bag on the left side of my bed, by the door, he had taken to sleeping in my room. I didn't know if he was just trying to make me feel better, or if he really did believe me and didn't want to say so. I don't know, but I was glad he was there, because it did, indeed, make me feel better. But sleep, yeah right, like I was going to sleep. Besides, I had slept today, during class, and I dreamt. I didn't like dreaming. Not anymore. My brother's best friend pulled at the fabric, stretching it, ripping it more. Soon there was nothing more but a bundle of rags held together by puppet strings in his hands.

I moved away from the window and lay down on my bed. The bars on the window's cast shadows onto the floor, making my room look like a prison. And maybe it was,...but it was a safe prison...walls, locks, bars, all to keep out the murderers that prowled the streets...Yeah, I was paranoid...I thought again of Matt; I had just seen him again. But was I so sure that it was him? If I were someone else, would I believe me? I had rambled on about strangers and figures in the night, that they were watching, that they were waiting for their chance to get me. They never had. Would I believe myself? Probably not,...so how could I be angry at everyone else for not believing? To ignore me was perfectly logical. After all, what were the chances of Aymichi or Matt stalking us in the alleys when we were surrounded by police? They weren't stupid...crazy, but not stupid,...if they didn't have a brain, they wouldn't have eluded the authorities this long...

My mind was a blur of contradicting thoughts. I felt safe here in my room, yet I thought the police idiotic worms. I knew Yama and Aymichi were smart, but I didn't want to believe that they could break past our defenses once again. I wanted people to believe me, yet now I wasn't sure if I would believe myself. My head hurt. Shifting my position so that I turned away from the window, I pulled my covers closer to me and tried to sleep. When I closed my eyes I saw a strange color-filled darkness with shapes moving around. It felt good to close my eyes though,...I was tired...I tried to think happy thoughts, of times when things were alright. I tried to imagine Aymichi getting caught and Matt getting better. I didn't know how long I lay there trying, but after a while I could hear Tai's gentle snoring at the side of my bed. Opening my eyes, I was startled by how dark the room was and how little I could see. The digital clock was a red blur that slowly came into focus. The time red 12:03. I had been trying to sleep for over two hours.

Taichi was on his back, his breathing was calm and steady, arms sticking out of the sleeping bag. The bandages on his left arm stood out in the blackness. I sighed, Tai could sleep through all this. So why couldn't I? Outside, I heard the police stationed at my bedroom door leave. Probably the end of his shift or something. I rolled over in bed and stared out the window. A dim light made its way through the window, cascading onto my sheets. I shifted slightly and closed my eyes again, determined to get at least a few hours before daybreak. Think happy thoughts. TK's in Heaven now, you know. So are Mimi, Sora and Joe. They've all been freed of this troubled, wretched existence on earth. That's right. Hope is in Heaven. Love and Sincerity and Reliability are all in Heaven. They're watching over you, and everything will be alright...It'll be over soon. Go to sleep. Go to sleep.

Another hour I must've lay there, repeating that over and over in my head. I counted the sheep that leapt over the rickety old fence, the sheep that had been devoured in the story by the wolf that no one believed was there---no, don't think about that. One sheep, two sheep, red sheep, blue sheep. Ehh,..that was Dr. Suess. I've always liked his stories...Taichi used to read them to me when I was little. Go to sleep.

I heard a soft thump outside. Probably nothing. Me hearing things again, I thought. Go to sleep. A few moments later I heard another thump. What was out there? Nothing! It's just your paranoia! Go to sleep, goddamnit! Count your sheep and go to sleep. Thump. This time my eyes snapped open. I was horrified to see a shadowy figure hovering by the window. I froze. Its nothing to worry about, Kari,...there are bars. They can't get in...they can't get in. Bars on the window...and, and there are police outside. They'd surely hear if the glass broke... God, there was someone outside my window!! I had to tell someone! Scream or something! But my voice was stuck in my throat. I couldn't move. I could only lay there and stare as the shape shifted about outside, trying to get in. I could feel my heart and pulse speed up. Taichi was still snoring peacefully on the other side of my bed. He hadn't heard anything. Maybe I was just imagining the shape outside? Maybe, maybe I really was insane and seeing things?

Clank. It sounded as if the person outside had tools to open the window with. I'm going to die...They're going to break in and I'm going to die. Scream you idiot! Call for help! Call for the police! Do something!! Then everything happened so fast I did not have time to comprehend it. The bars were removed from the window, I heard them clank loudly outside. The figure then jumped through the window, the glass was shattered and the alarm went off. A blaring wail that rang through my ears, echoing through the silent house. "Fuck." I heard the figure curse and approached me quickly, I recognized his voice, but couldn't figure out who exactly it belong in the time I had. I felt his cold grip on my shoulder as he pulled me from the bed. It'll be over soon. And then, I finally screamed.

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© Kiriska