Chapter 05 : Vengeful
Yamato
Hate, hate, hate, that IS all I felt. How often was it that
musicians poured their real feelings into their music as I just
did. I knew Taichi, Sora, and Koushirou had been at my concert.
I'm glad they heard my hateful song. Maybe now they would leave
me alone. What were they going to accomplish by telling me that
everything's fine when it's not? They'd be lying. To me and
themselves. Nothing would ever be the same again. Not now, not
ever. TK is dead, gone, lost forever. And he would never come
back. Maybe that didn't register in their heads.
I shoved my hands in my pockets, it was a cold night. The chilly
night wind blew in my face, cutting at it. My parents had forced
me out of the hospital this morning, making me go to school. Had
it really been this morning? Seemed like an eternity. I didn't
want to go to school, I didn't want to deal with people. Why
couldn't I just stay with Takeru? Why? God, I was beginning to
hate that word. Why?
Revenge, I must get revenge....who killed my brother? Who?! WHY?!
Words formed for another song. Angry, fierce, portraying me
perfectly. Pour thy soul into music....revenge....The music
lessened the pain. The stinging, ugly, pain. It helped. At least,
a little. I shuddered, realizing again how cold it was. Takeru's
funeral was tomorrow. Friday. It would be around 5, after school.
So I get to spend another day in that prison. With ignorant
people. Sure, Takeru lived in a different town...I shook it off.
Pain...pain...the pain....I don't like the pain. I don't like
being alone. But I was always alone. Alone, alone, alone. I could
see my apartment, I didn't feel like going in. It was pretty dark
now, the lights in the building didn't look welcoming. Where was
TK now? Is he still in the hospital? Is he being packed away in a
box now? I am. Cold. Empty. The pain. I don't like the pain. I
stood under the lamp light in front of the apartment building.
Why? Why are you gone, Takeru? Why?
Revenge. The word was comforting somehow.
Kill...blood...pain...alone...words. Just words. They couldn't
help me. Revenge. Sweet revenge. I would get it. Revenge
//would// be mine..I suddenly felt dizzy, my head,...my
brain...pain. I closed my eyes and instantly regreted it, my mind
filled with visions of my brother's dead body...his frozen face,
his bloody gashes...I opened my eyes. My body tingled with a
needle-y feeling. I didn't like it. I spotted a bug running
across the lamp post, without thinking I reach up and squish it.
I felt a brief feeling of satisfaction. I wish that bug had been
the killer...the murderer...of bastard who had killed TK. But it
wasn't.
I can't. I'm sorry. I just can't. Am I suppose to forget? Not
remember all the times we had fun? Forget all the times we were
together. All those years spent. Am I supposed to? You can't
answer me. You're not here. Where are you? I was angry suddenly.
Why did you leave me here, Takeru?! You didn't deserve to die! I
don't deserve this pain! Oh...the pain.WHY!? Damn, I hate that
word. I really do. But there's no other word. I'm ranting, in my
head. I'm going insane. That's it. I'm going insane. Or is this
normal? I don't know. WHY did you leave me, Takeru?!
I'm being selfish again. I don't care. You left me. Left
me...left me....The words of my own song came back to me...My
hands were numb. I decided to go inside at least. Deal with my
dad's worry. I walked up the steps. The apartment building looked
old, drabby. I saw bloodstains on the walls...fresh
bloodstains....
I look closer. They were gone. You're seeing things, Yamato. Stop
it. I keep walking. I notice the carpet was red. To hide spilled
blood....I pass one of the apartment doors. The number was
"777". Wasn't that the number to heaven? Are you in
there, TK? Are you there? No. You left me. You're not here. I'm
alone. Alone. Alone with the pain.
Kill...kill...kill...his killer..I'd become a killer myself.
Don't care. Revenge. How was I suppose to accomplish this!? How
the hell was I supposed to find out who it is!? How!? Fuck. I
hate this shit. Fuck this shit. Fuck the pain. Man, I wanna kill
myself. Join you, Takeru. I laugh bitterly. Maybe I should.
There's nothing for me here. No. Selfish. Selfish. Stop being
selfish. Stop it. Can I? I was never the stong one. That was
Taichi. Crest of Courage. Yeah. That's Taichi. Not me. I'm not
strong.
Crest of Friendship. That's me. Why? I'm not that socialable. I
don't want to me. That's not me. That's not my crest. Fuck the
crest. Takeru. Crest of Hope. Yeah, you held hope. Hope for me,
hope for the others. But you're gone. No more hope. You are dead.
Hope is dead. No hope.
Am I insane? Am I suicidal? Do I want to live? No point...you're
not here. Who killed you, TK? Who? I'll find him...I'll find him
for you, little brother. I'll kill him for you. I'm scaring
myself. A nasty grin spread on my face. I was enjoying the
thought of killing someone. I don't care. Revenge. A sweet
thought. Revenge, ...... for you Takeru. I laugh again, I do
scare myself. But I'm beyond caring now. I'm just vengeful. I
open the door to my apartment. And close the door behind me.
© Kiriska