One Step Closer

Taichi



I cannot take this anymore...
Sayin' everything I said before...
All these words they make no sense..
I find bliss in ignorance..
Less I hear, the less I say
You'll find that out anyway..

I thought we were friends. I really did, I trusted you and you took that trust, crumple it up and burn it. It's like you never gave a damn about our friendship. Everything I say, you have just have to disagree with. Everything I believe in, you have to destroy. Everything I care for, you have to insult. You selfish little bastard. I've told you so many times, that I don't want to fight anymore. But you keep challenging me, prodding me, toying with my temper.

You know I can't contain the anger for long. You know me too well. You know I will explode. But you do it anyway? Why? If you can't stand me, why don't you just leave me alone? I don't bother you, why must you bother me? If I stopped talking, would you leave me be? But that wouldn't happen, I have too much pride to let you shut me up. You're not going to silence my opinions just because I don't want to fight you anymore.

I've gotten so many bruises from you. I've returned them to you. This angers you more and you send them back. These wounds and cuts are passed back and forth. Why? Why can't we just get along like we did? We had been good friends, our differences complimented each other, not like now, when they just lash out and strike. Why did you change so much? You're the Keeper of Friendship damnit! Why aren't you my friend? Why do you have to be my enemy? Is it your lifelong goal to grind my nerves? Push me towards the edge where I explode and attack? Why do you do this?

Everything you say to me..
Takes me one step closer to the edge..
And I'mmabout ta break..!
I needda little room to breaaathe..
'Cuz I'm one step closer to the edge
I'mmabout ta break..!

I'm not going to back down to you, Matt. This will end someday, maybe it will be in one of our deaths, but it will end. I walk down the street, pondering my thoughts. You're at the end of the street, glaring at me, waiting for me. You know I want you to stop, you know I liked it when we were friends, yet you continue your tauntings, your teasings. Don't you know what you're doing? Don't you know, one day I won't be able to be patient with you? Don't you know one day, when we fight, I won't want to stop?

One day, your going to make me kill you. I try to find answers, I try to be nice, I try to be what we were. But it doesn't work. You are too stubborn, like me. You don't back down. Do you want to die? I near the corner, where you stand waiting. I don't want to fight today, Yamato. I just want to walk past you in peace. Don't talk to me, I won't talk to you, just let me pass....

"Where are you going Kamiya?" you snarl. Why did you start this again? You could have just kept silent, glared at me and let me pass. Why must you do this? Why do you hate me? "Home." I say to you, simply, you smirk at me. You're going to insult me in some way. You're going to push all the buttons required to set me loose. I know this game you play. You poke me with your long, pointy, stick, you poke me until I can stand it no longer. I am the dog, behind the gate. You are the boy with the stick, teasing me. When I leapt the fence and go at your with my teeth, are you happy? Satisfyed that you accomplished your goal? What do you feel?

I find the answers aren't so clear...
Wish I could find a way to disappear...
All these thoughts they make no sense
I find bliss in ignorance
Nothing seems to go away
Over and over again...

I have no many questions I want you to answer. But that is out of the question isn't it? "Going home to your mommie?" You taunt. I knew you would make a remark like that. I try to be patient with you, I try to be responsiable. But I can't help who I am, and I am short tempered. I'm trying though, I can say that at least. "Yeah, what's it to you?" I answer. You continue to smirk, thinking up some other insult you can say to me. I wish I could just make you vanish. Or make myself disappear. Or something.

"Little Taichi's running home to his mommie..!" You say in a squeaky, singing voice. I clench and unclench my fist. I try not to, but it just happens. I insult you back. "At least I can." I growl. You are no longer smirking. I know how to hurt you too, but it is only because you insist. I know what pains you, you know what pains me. We have been friends long enough to establish that. So why are we throwing it all away? "At least I can take care of myself." You say, as if I couldn't. Just because I still lived with my mother did not mean I couldn't take care of myself.

I wish I had said that instead of picking another insult. This is how it goes, you insult me, I insult you back, and sooner or later, someone breaks and throws a punch. "You can't take care of anyone else though can you, though? Just yourself." I say to you. I am still calm. How long can I last? "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" you growl, you are offended. You take care of your brother. And I know that. But I say it anyway. "You don't take care of your brother." I say simply. The sparks are beginning to show. You will break soon. But what about me?

"He doesn't need my help, he's not a pathetic little bitch like your sister." you tell me. You know how to make me angry. We both love our siblings and use that against each other. The ironic thing is that Hikari and Takeru are very much alike in ways other than that their brothers are bastards that constantly fight. I really have nothing against TK, it is not my fault his brother likes to pick fights with me. "Well Takeru likes that little pathetic bitch that is my sister." I say, now smirking. I see you clench and unclench your fists. How long will we last before someone breaks?

"He does not." You say patheticly. Are we losing here? Are you running out of ideas? Why can't you just give up? I don't want to fight you again. This is so stupid. Yet I can't walk away. Something compells be to stay with this. "You don't know your brother very well, Matt." I laugh at you. You are angry now, almost read to through a fist. This is a dangerous game we play.

Everything you say to me..
Takes me one step closer to the edge..
And I'mmabout ta break..!
I needda little room to breaaathe..
'Cuz I'm one step closer to the edge
I'mmabout ta break..!

Everything you say to me...
Takes me one step closer to the edge
And I'mmabout ta break!
I needda little room to breathe..
I'mmabout ta break!
Everything you say to me..
I'mmabout ta......BREAK!

"You don't know anything, Tai." You say. Lamely. You are losing. Give it up, friend. We don't have to continue. "Obviously not, no I don't know anything, you are the all powerful, Ishida." I say sarcasticly. You have boiled, you throw a punch. I dodge easily. You have become almost predictable. You continue you throw your fists. I am angry now, why can't you just give it up!? There is no point in any of this!? How did this start? Why did you suddenly decide you hated me? Why can't we just be friends again?

I finally hurl my own fist to your face. You dodge me and counter with a kick. Why are we fighting? Why are we fighting? You were once as close to me as a brother. Why are we fighting now? What changed? Why do you hate me now? The kick hits me hard on the cheek, forming an instant bruise. I grab hold of your foot and push it back at you, then send another punch towards your face. Why am I fighting you when I don't want to? Why can't I have more self-control?

No, you have broken me, you have trained me to fight you. I am no better than you. I am no better. "You think your so great, Tai, don't you?!" you yell at me. No, that's not true. I am nothing. "Why can't you just shut the hell up?!" I scream back at you. It begins to snow. The white flakes drift down gentlely, like tiny, frozen feathers. The snowflakes land on us, melting instantly in our heated battle. My punch lands on your face. We are both bruised. You leap back and stare me down. We circle.

SHUT UP When I'm talking to you!
SHUT UP!
SHUT UP!
SHUT UP!
SHUT UP WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!!
SHUT UP!
SHUT UP!
SHUTUP!
SHUT. UP!
I'mmabout to BREAK!

The falling snow mixes with the old snow that had been piles on the sides of the street. It is cold. I come at me again, another kick. I duck and your leg brushes by hair. "Why don't you shut up!?" You ask me. "You talk first!" I tell you, and try to trip you. I succeed and you fall into the snow. Your clothes become soaked, I finally notice that you are only wearing a sleeveless green shirt and jeans. Aren't you cold? Why do you fight? Why don't you just stop and go home?

You growl and stand up again. I wipe blood from my mouth. Are we finished yet? Must we continue you? You see my reluctance. You shove me against the brick wall. I am done being calm. I am through with this! I hate you! I hate what you say to me! I hate what you make me do! I hate that you make me fight! I hate you! I hate you, Matt! I hate you! I push you in the gut. You did not expect that. I push again. You groan in pain.

Are you happy now? Are you happy? You have made me fight. Are you happy? I kick your shin. You step backwards. "Damn you, Tai." you mutter. Damn me? Damn you! Everything you say to me makes me angrier. So just shut up! I kick you again and you try to punch me. I grab your fist and shove you backwards. We start to circle again. I rush at you angrilly, knocking you into the snow, your shirt is all soaked. I hope you freeze.

Everything you say to me...
Takes me one step closer to the edge
And I'mmabout ta break!
I needda little room to breathe..
I'mmabout ta break!
Everything you say to me..
I'mmabout ta......

I pin you down, glaring at you with my face of hate. Why did you stop being a friend? Why did you become my enemy? Why did you take away all we had? WHY? I spit in your face and let you get up. I turn my back and walk away. You are lucky I have learned to at least control myself a little. I wanted to kill you, strangle you, shove snow down your throat until you choked. I let you go. Why? So we can repeat this over and over and over...? I don't know. But I don't want to fight you again. I get nothing out of it. But bruises. Stop making me explode in my anger. Stop pushing me to the edge. Stop making me...

BREAK!

© Kiriska