I Define Stupid
Akutareru: Hello, hello,
hello! I'm sure you all enjoyed the Bashing Show, tho isn't
getting very good ratings...um, ANYWAY! Here's another little
game show for you to watch! It's called " I DEFINE STUPID!
" And today our contestants will be.....HEERO!
Heero: Hn.
Akutareru: SASAMI!
Sasami: Hello!
Akutareru: Annnnnnd....SORA!
Sora: WHASSAP Muh HOMIES!?
Audience: .............
Akutareru: Ok, ...ANYWAY, here are the rules of
the game. The whole point of this is to bring up times when your
friends and yourself have been STUPID, so stupid, that people
might have said that there's a picture of you in the dictionary
under stupid! The stupider your story, the more points 'chu get!
The winner um, well, gets this here goat.
Goat: Bleeeeeehhhhhh...!!
Audience: Awww!! Goat! Goat be Cute! EEE!!
Goat: Bleeeeeehhhhh...!!
Akutareru: So! The first round, I say a topic
type thing, first one to raise their hand gets to tell a stupid
incident that had to do with that topic. If you can make the
Audeince laugh you get 100 points, kay?
Heero: Hn.
Sasami: 'Kay.
Sora: Git on wit it DUDE!
Audeince: .........
Akutareru: First topic! Cheese!
Heero: *raise hand* Duo was once drunk on coffee
and he stuffed a big chunk of cheese up Wufei's nose, and Wufei
gagged on it and sneezed, it shot out of his nose and smeared all
over Trowa's face!
Sora: *raises hand at same time as Heero and
speaks while he's speaking*: Once, Tai and Matt were high on
pixie sticks and they were running around at the deli, they got
all the cheese, melted it in some big tub, then went out and got
squirrels and dunked them into the oozey cheese, then the manager
came and threatened to sue. Stupid!
Wufei: THAT'S NOT FUNNY YUY!
Tai & Matt: That was FUN! We should do it
again sometime! *breaks down in giggles*
Audience: *laughs*
Akutareru: Uh,..interesting..guys...um, 100 each
for Heero and Sora.
Sasami: *blink, blink, blink*
Akutareru: Next category! Roses!
Sasami: *raise hand* Two months ago, my sister,
Ayeka, took a whole week to save up money to buy roses for Tenchi
only to find out he was allergic to them! But I'm not supposed to
call Ayeka stupid. *grin*
Heero: *muttering* Relena once...nevermind.
Audience: *lol*
Ayeka: SASAMI!
Ryoko: Hahaha! I remember that!
Tenchi: *blush*
Akutareru: 100 points to Sasami! Next one!
Blender!
Sora: *raises hand* Oh! Last summer! Mimi and I
were making a milkshake, and we were talkin 'bout.....we were
talking! And she wasn't paying attention, and she put the plant
in the blender 'stead of the peaches, and the dirt flew all over
the place! Then after that, she still wasn't paying attention and
drank the thing, and DIDN'T NOTICE! That was pretty stupid!
Mimi: That was not cool, Sora! You were laughing
your head off and wouldn't tell me why!
Audience: *laughs*
Tai: How come you never told us about that one!?
Heero: Once, Duo...oh, you don't even wanna
know.
Duo: Aw, c'mon, that was HILARIOUS and YOU KNOW
IT!
Akutareru: Too late anyway...uh...100 to Sora.
Next one! Chairs!
Heero: *waving hand in air* Quatre was once
talking to a bunch of colony official important type people!
And--
Quatre: No! Heero! Not that one!
Heero: Shut up, Winner, I'm gonna win that goat!
Anyway, he was yakking one about peace or something! And was
offering them chairs and stuff and he was SO busy talking that he
forgot to get himself a chair and sat down on nothing! And one of
the colony people snorted out a booger and it landed in his
cappichino! Yeah! STUPID! YO!
Audience: *roaring with laughter*
Trowa: Hahahahah!!
Everyone: *staring at Trowa*
Trowa: I CAN LAUGH TOO, GEEZ!
Akutareru: 100 to Heero! Next topic! TV!
Sasami: *raises hand* I'd say when Ryoko got all
that makeup she saw off of TV and magazines...that was
pretty...I'm not supposed to call people stupid!!
Ryoko: HOW WAS THAT STUPID!?!?!?! HUH!? TENCHI!
YOU DIDN'T THINK IT WAS STUPID!!
Tenchi: *sweatdrop sweatdrop sweatdrop*
Audience: *lol*
Akutareru: 100 to Sasami. Glasses!
Sora: *raise hand* When Izzy was supposed to get
glasses, but he didn't want them cuz he said they looked dorky--
Joe: HEY!
Sora: --and so he didn't wear his and he was
heading towards school and he crashing right into this wall!
Then, he still didn't want to have his glasses on and he was
walking into walls all day, then he crashed right into the
principal and he couldn't tell who he was and he started
bad-mouthing the guy! DETENTION! Izzy stupid, yuk, yuk, yuk!
Mimi: Oh! I remember that! He had so many
bruises from crashing into walls!
Tai: Oh, that's why he was doing it...I thought
he was drunk or something!
Izzy: SORA! I'm gonna KILL YOU!
Akutareru: 100 to Sora, she now has 300, while
Heero and Sasami both have 200.
Heero: Nooooo!! Must win..GOAT!
Akutareru: And we're at our the second round
of...I DEFINE STUPID!
Audience: *cheers*
Sora: I'm gonna win da gooooat! I'm gonna win da
gooooat!
Goat: Bleeeeeeehhhhhh...!!!
Akutareru: ANYWAY--
Sasami: You say 'anyway' a lot.
Akutareru: Do not!! Anyway, the second round is
where we bring in some of your friends and they get to tell us
all why YOU are the definition of STUPID! Yaaayyy!
Audience: *cheers*
Heero/Sora: WHHHAAATTTT?!?!? This wasn't in the
contract!
Sasami: ..........
Akutareru: Maya! Bring in the contestant's
FRIENDS!
Mayakashi: Do. NOT. Call me Maya. *shudder* And
here are your people. *disappears*
*Tai, Duo, and Ryo-Ohki appear on stage*
Akutareru: Moody muses, ANYWAY! Sit down
peoples!
Heero: WHAT!? DUO!? NOOOOOO!!!
Sora: ..........
Sasami: Ryo-Ohki?
Ryo-Ohki: Mew!
Duo: WOOOOO! I git to tell da world tat Heero is
stupid! I git to tell da world tat Heero is stupid! *does a
little boogie dance* I git to tell da world tat Heero is stupid!
Tai: *snickering maniacly*
Akutareru: Ok! Audience gets to vote who's the
stupidest and that person gets 200 points!
Heero: *mutterings*
Akutareru: Duo! Your first! WHY is HEERO
STUPID?!?!?!
Duo: Heero is STUPID be...CUZ...
Everyone: *waiting excitedly*
Duo: Oh come on! Must I tell you!? The guy's
suicidal!
Heero: *glare*
Duo: He has no luck with women,...well...maybe
that's a good thing...and he can't even ride a bike!
Heero: *glare*
Duo: How stupid z'that? He sleeps with that
teddy bear of his AND he needs SOME MINT!
Audience: *laughter*
Heero:
Omae...o....KOROSUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!
Akutareru: Stupid...uh-huh! Yo! Tai! Your turn!
Tai: *snickering* Heheheh, Sora..*snicker*
is...hehehehehe...stupid...hehehehe!! Cuz...
Matt: OUT WIT IT TAI!
Tai: HEHEHEH!! Sora is stupid cuz she can't
write with her left hand..
Sora: WHAT?! That's just STUPID! MOST PEOPLE ARE
RIGHT HANDED!!
Matt: I'm NOT!
Tai: Neither am I! Heheheh! Also! Sora!
Heehehehehe...Sora is stupid...cuz she's allergic to gerbils...
Sora: How is that stupid!?!? YOUR THE ONE WHOSE
STUPID! And high on pixie sticks again no doubt...
Tai: I'M NOT DONE! Sora's also stupid because
SHE HAS A CRUSH ON IZZY!
Sora: WHAAAATTTTTTTTTT!?!?!?!
Izzy: WHAAAAAAAAATTTTTT?!?!!?
Matt: WHAAAAATTTTTTT?!?!?!
Tai: BUWAHAHAAHA!!!!!
Sora/Matt/Izzy *speaking at once*
>Sora: First of all I DON"T HAVE A CRUSH
ON IZZY! Second of all, HOW IS THAT STUPID?!?!
>Izzy:
WHA...Wha...Wha...wha...wha...Sora...ahh....but...she...gah....
>Matt: NOOOO!!! Sora! WHHYY?!?!?! DAMN
YOU IZUMI!
Tai: *still laughing insanely*
*Tai is dragged off by Ogremon*
Audience: ......
Akutareru: .......um....Ryo-Ohki?
Ryo-Ohki: Meow, meow, meow, MEW! Meow! Mrew,
merow! MEROW! ROOOEEE!
Akutareru: Umm...VAMPIE! Translate!
*A little black cat with wings appears*
Vampie: What?
Akutareru: Translate the cabbit.
Vampie: Why?
Akutareru: Just. Do. It.
Vampie: Fine, but thats another catnip toy you
owe me. Speak!
Ryo-Ohki: Meow, meow, meow, MEW! Meow! Mrew,
merow! MEROW! ROOOEEE!
Vampie: *snicker*
Audience: *confused murmurs*
Akutareru: Come on, Vampie!
Vampie: Ryo-Ohki says that Sasami is stupid
because she can't turn into a ship, can't speak cabbit, and can't
jump through walls.
Sasami: ....RYO-OHKI! I'm JURAIN! I'm not a
scientically screwed with...CABBIT!
Washu: Hey! Was that an insult!?
Ryo-Ohki: MREW! Mew, mew, meow! Mew! MEROW!
MEROW! Moew, mew, meow! Mew!
Vampie: Ryo-Ohki says that she wasn't
scientifcally screwed with and that she and Ken-Ohki were the
last of their spieces and Washu stole her from her planet and
claimed her as her experiment and Nagi took Ken-Ohki, and that
Sasami wears a wig.
Sasami & Washu: RYO-OHKI!!!!!!!!
Ryoko & Ayeka: Sasami wears a wig? HEHEHEH!!
Tenchi: *sweatdrop*
Audience: ........ *bits of scattered laughs*
Akutareru: .......um....
*Vampie giggles and disappears*
Akutareru: Audience?
Audience: HEERO IS STUPID!
Akutareru: *nods* Ok. 200 points to Heero. Now
commercial break than final round.
Audience: *cheers*
*Duo & Ryo-Ohki leave stage*
-----------------------------------------
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Wufei: HEY! WHO"S MAKING THIS COMMER--
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-----------------------------------------
Akutareru: And NOW back to our show!
Audience: *cheers*
Sasami: *angry*
Sora: *angry*
Heero: I'm gonna win da goooat! I'm gonna win da
gooooat! *giggling*
Goat: Bleeeeeeeeeehhhhhh....!
Akutareru: Now! The final round! You have to
define stupid. The way it was...in the DICTIONARY!
Audience: *GASPITH!*
Sora/Sasami/Heero: ..........
Akutareru: First one to raise the hand and tell
me gets a final 100 points.
Sora/Sasami/Heero: *thinking*
Heero: *raises hand* Duo. I'm serious. He IS the
definition of STUPID.
Akutareru: ANK! No.
.......
Sora: *raises hand* Stupid: Slow to learn or
understand. Tending to make poor descions or careless mistakes.
Marked by intelligence or care. Pointless, worthless.
Everyone: .......................................
Mimi: SORA IS ANOTHER IZZY! NOT STUPID! WOO!
Matt: Shut up.
Audience: *cheers*
Akutareru: Uh,...that is correct! And 200 points
ties you with Heero for first place!
Heero: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Goat: Bleeeeeehhhhhhhhh!!
Akutareru: TIE BREAKER! TIE BREAKER! TIE
BREAKER! First one to be able to say: Stupid snakes snoop
stupidly Saturday five times fast wins!
Heero: What does that have to do with the show?
Akutareru: Who cares? Just say!
Sora: Stupid snakes snoop stups
Sat...wait..stupid..
Heero: Stupid snakes snoop stupidly Saturday.
Stupid snakes snoop stupidly Saturday. Stupid snakes snoop
stupidly Saturday. Stupid snakes snoop stupidly Saturday--
Sora: Stufpid..Stupid snakes snoops
stufplbid....*tougue tied*
Heero: Stupid snakes snoop stupidly Saturday.
Ok, I'm done.
Audience: ....... *gaspith*
Akutareru: HEERO YUY IS THE WINNER OF THE GOAT!
PLUS! He gets his picture in the next dictionary printed under
the word STUPID! WOOOO!!
Heero: WHAT? That wasn't in the contract either!
Goat: Bleeeeehhhhhh...!!
Akutareru: Thank you for joining us with "
I DEFINE STUPID " !!! Come back next time!
*Goat takes off*
Heero: No! Wait! Goat!
*Heero runs after goat*
*curtains fall*
Audience: *cheers and claps*
Sora: I wanted that goat...
~
© Kiriska